Melissa House

what's up?

2010-02-16T13:15:00.000-08:00

Hmm, what to talk about. Well, I made a plan. I have a list of stuff to do. One of those things is to do training for a volunteer thing at the hostel. I am actually pretty nervous about it but I am trying not to think about it. I don't know what it is going to be like. I assume it will be just fine, but I get stressed out because the whole point of doing this is to eventually get a paying job. This is practice, and also something for the resume. So I think I would be nervous anyway because it is all about meeting new people and accepting some responsibility but there is definitely some additional angst because of the job thing. It becomes evident that whenever i think about job hunting I get dizzy, can't think straight and if I don't stop immediately it makes me cry. Otherwise, I have at least a couple hours of being very emotional until I get over it. This kindof sucks.

In other similar news, Michael has been a bit stressed out too. I don't want to talk about stuff online that might be private, so I guess I won't go into it, but I hope that things continue in that area. I feel like my emotional slate is pretty clean. I have a few issues, but not really surrounding relationships or people or anything like that. So I hope that my confidence in that area will be helpful. I will miss him like crazy when I am gone. Even if I am not worried he will be in trouble like I was when he went to Las Vegas. I like him a lot. I am a bit worried that he and Dan don't really seem to connect. I think maybe it will work out at some point. I imagine there is some pressure there since the traditional role of brother isn't really sympathetic and I don't know, each of them seems like they kindof have to dig through the social tool box. Of course the wedge is substances. That is the big issue in general.

It seems that although I got up early and was done with my exercise at 10:30, I haven't done anything but get dressed since I got home and now there is less than 5 hours before I go to the hostel thing. I had better go avoid to do list fail.

Also, my scale here says I am back to 210, which seems surprising since at one point I swear I was at 192. I have been exercising really consistently the last few weeks, but I guess I am eating too much. Munchies. I am kind of demoralized just now but I am sure I can get over it. Lunch time.

This is so totally my whatever blog

2010-02-13T15:42:00.000-08:00

So much for schemes. I like to come up with plans and ideas, but carrying them through is the hard part. I kind of wish I had a more personal blog. It was on my list of ambitions for this year that I would be a little more open about what I am thinking and doing.

So maybe I will work on that. I guess if I had a record of what I am up to, I could refer back to it. I like reading other people's stuff, but I never manage to write anything of my own. So I will try for it.

---

So I went over to Dan's and made a plan. I really need to get my stuff together and be a grown up. There are so many loose ends in my life that I just never bothered to worry about. But wouldn't it be awesome if I felt like I had a handle on things and was not simply buffeted by the winds of fate. And since I am not really working, I should be able to handle this stuff I think.

So the basic things I was trying to organize into my life are: exercising, housekeeping, and being on top of my social life and other commitments. It doesn't sound like that should be too hard. But there is a lot to it.

Today, I was hoping to go grocery shopping and prepare food for next week when I am busy. I also have a party to go to. And maybe one other thing, and that is in addition to very basic cleaning. Like dishes + 20 minutes of general tidying. It shouldn't be too late. I already baked bread for next week. It will be nice and it makes me feel smart. Now I am going to do my lunch dishes and plan for the cooking.

:)

The rain

2010-01-24T15:38:00.001-08:00

How convenient that water falls out of the sky. I think it is like the sky giving me a hug. Wish it wasn't so cold though...

Sewing

2010-01-23T17:47:00.000-08:00

I like sewing!
Today I made a sheet that fits my boyfriend's off sized bed out of one that doesn't plus the top sheet. I feel kinda ingeneous. In other news, I keep wanting to sew short sexy skirts. I think I will.

My fingernails

2010-01-21T18:13:00.000-08:00

I love it when my nails are painted and pretty. I like getting manicures or doing it myself. I like all kinds of colors. I get distracted by how shiny they are for days. I also like that they don't chip and you can't tell if they are a bit dirty and gross. I am pretty motivated to keep them nice when they are painted, and I don't chew on them or otherwise abuse them. I have even been known to use gloves when doing dishes. If I was a princess I would always have my fingernails painted.

I like...

2010-01-20T18:57:00.000-08:00

Someone once asked me if there were to be a trap set to catch me in particular, what would it be bated with. I answered, "teapots!"

I like Teapots. I like all kinds of teapots, from the traditional to the abstract. I like to drink tea out of them. Right now, I am kindof in the market for a silver plate tea set. Ahhh teapots.

Today I like

2010-01-19T17:12:00.000-08:00

Pineapples! I bought one today and they are intense. I was surprised how much fruit you get from one of them. They are so sweet and delicious, and they look so exciting too. And then of course there is the upside down cake.

Things I like day 2

2010-01-18T09:48:00.001-08:00

I like Space Monkey Coffee on SE Harold and 72nd. It is such a good place to hang out, especially compared to the other walkable places in the neighborhood. They have wifi and a computer you could use, books to borrow, a place for kids to hang out, their coffee is not bad, and it is very very congenial.

Things I like

2010-01-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

For now I think I am going to turn this into a list of things that I like. Because it is good to think about things I like. So. The first thing I like is: Heroes of Might and Magic 3 Wake of Gods. I like playing it when I am supposed to be doing chores. I want to lay around all afternoon and play it multiplayer. I have been playing it so long that all the units remind me of stuff. I am good at it, and it is fun. The only game I have on my computer

Hello again! & bill-pay logistics

2009-05-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

So, I am more or less back online again. I have a functional computer and a connection to go with it. There have been a whole lot of things that I have thought about blogging while I was gone, and maybe I will get back to them eventually. However, I think the best plan would be to take stock of my situation again. A lot has changed since I started this. I got a lot done, and I made some good progress on certain fronts when it comes to being aware of my resources and maximizing them, but I also got into some less than optimal situations and in general there have been a lot of learning experiences.

I think I will try to put together something coherent along those lines for tomorrow. For today I will just say procrastination got the better of me and absent mindedness and a few other things and I have a grand adventure in store that involves finding where I put various checks, picking up my paycheck from work, and dropping off the rent at the property managers and going to the bank. This means taking the bus a number of awkward places and will probably take at least a couple hours. This is the problem with car free. Even if things are more or less in the same direction, if they are not on the same bus lines, I must wait for numerous busses and walk inconvenient distances for connections. And that is not to mention the challenge of remembering the secure location I put my checks in. And finally, there is the element that I only have half the rent collected at the moment, so until I can get that, I may be depending on my over draft protection.

I think it is likely that this will go smoother next month. Luckily the rest of the bills are not due for a few days and things should be in better order then.

Dairy Queen

2009-04-06T19:02:00.001-07:00

These last few days have been the warmest of the year so far. As an ice cream professional this has been evident. The last few weeks I have pretty well got my bearings, but it did not prepare me for yesterday. I must be honest; it was at least this busy or moreso when I worked at the DQ in Ashland, but that was a really long time ago. It feels like a long time ago anyway. To add to the manic confusion was the fact that about half of the people we had working yesterday had been there less than a week. So I was running around taking and filling orders and at the same time explaining to the new people how to do their stuff too. I don't know if it sounds like a hard job. I mean, really it isn't I think it is honestly pretty easy. But there are a lot of things to remember and a lot of things to keep in mind. Especially since it is ice cream and if you aren't fast enough it melts. On a warm day, it gets pretty hot in that little store and any ice cream left out has a pretty short life span. Also confusing the matter for me is the fact that everything depends on little pieces of paper which are easy to lose and as soon as anyone opens a window to talk to a customer, all the little bits of paper that are not held down by something blow all over.

So anyway, there is a lot of being precise and being fast. It reminds me a bit of a game. In fact, I swear I played similar games in elementary school with my friends, that didn't involve quite so much getting covered in chocolate. Today I did pretty well and was enjoying myself. Yesterday though, I got up early to go to breakfast with my Dad who was in town to help my brother move. We also moved a lot of stuff up and down stairs at my house. I was already a bit worn out when I went to work and it was sooo crazy that by the end of the day I was a gibbering puddle of something not so useful and chocolate. I literally asked one lady the same question 4 times in a row because I was so out of it that it just wouldn't register. The fact that today was so much better is good.

Quicky

2009-04-03T19:50:00.001-07:00

ok, this will be short since I spent the last few hours at the wifi-having bar playing my online games and reading my (up to 170 unread entries now) google reader blogs. It seems my left hand shift key is broken, or at least not working well. So I apologize for all the un-capitalizations that will no doubt be forthcoming.

But basically, I have all the money for my rent ready, and only a few things left to do. This week I made a giant pot of rice. I then ate it all week either fried with bacon and onions and peas or else mixed with cheese and rooster sauce. This second dish is something wonderful that i have discovered. I came across it a couple years ago and it is a wonderful treatment for left over rice. If you don't have rooster sauce, I recommend sweet Thai chili sauce or else just Tabasco at a pinch. I also like a variation of this where you put blue food coloring in the rice water and use jack cheese. In this circumstance your dinner looks like the sky with clouds. And hot sauce.

I am a big fan of pretty food.

On a somewhat unrelated tip, I am currently doing my internets at the North bar on Division. They have $1 pabst on Tuesdays and $1.50 between 3 and 7 everyday. They also have trivia on Mondays. It came to me recently that I will soon have a house full of gifted and talented types with all kinds of specialized knowledge from neuropharmacology to computers and politics. I think I should find out if these trivia nights have prizes. If so, I might need to consider starting a collection of them.

So far it seems like I am getting online every three or four days. I will be back on the 15th. So in the meantime, I will observe what the world would is like without and report back. It seems dangerous and exciting. But also filled with mysterious periods of boringness. And there are any number of subjects in which information is no longer at my fingertips. Like the preparation of Indian Naan bread. Luckily, I have emergency resources, for example friends who have computers. These resources will have to suffice for the next week or so.

In between time

2009-04-01T15:33:00.001-07:00

Well, my living situation is pretty unusual recently. I have found people to live at my house, but they are not moved in. My brother has moved out and taken a lot of his stuff with him. My other roommate has some manner of plans but I guess is waiting til the last minute. My ex who was storing stuff at my house came and got most of it. I have a line on a new bed that will fit my new room, and a backup incase that doesn't go through. Honestly its all over but the shouting as they say. We shall see what happens next exactly.

Part of the fun at the moment is that I need to pay the rent for the whole month dispite the fact that none of the new people are actually on the lease. I guess I basically get paid back when the time comes and the new people move in. Another part of the fun is that since all the bills were in Dan's name, I opted to have C transfer his internet over here instead of starting a new account of my own. What this means practically is that I don't have internet at my house. It's crazy! I forget how much time I spend on line. I am at the library currently and my google reader after three days without checking it, has 112 items for me. I think I may end up missing a bunch of them. It has really messed with my routine, well the whole situation has. I have spent the last couple days trying to balance the stuff that I need to get done or that I have planned and my predisposition to wander around aimlessly when I don't have anything in particular going on. I actually spent most of my day off playing a computer game in a kind of post-stress daze.

What I should be doing is moving stuff upstairs to get the room ready for new occupant. This will involve things that are heavy so I will see if I can get Dan over. I havn't even seen his house yet. Actually, I have all kinds of things going on in my mind. The visit from the ex was really odd and a bit emotional for one thing. And work is going pretty well but it is a bit of a soap opera in some ways. And I found myself spending money on some stuff I didn't expect, but I somehow feel like it is ok, since that money might have gone to the apartment if I hadn't found renters. It all feels a bit like a dream. Honestly, I am about the worst person ever dealing with changes. As a young child I used to sit in the car for an hour before I would come in after driving home from school or errands. It just took me that time to adapt to a new location or a new program. Luckily, it is all in motion, so I can ease up a little finally. I am so glad... My digestion was beginning to bother me, and I had been in a mental fog for like a week. That is what stress does I guess.

So anyway. This wasn't too coherant, and it is two days late, but I guess that is how things go. I am still enjoying myself so that is a good sign. Thank you to those who are reading this, I do appreciate it.

Waste T-shirts? Never!

2009-03-28T14:41:00.001-07:00

With all the packing and moving going on at my house recently, there was a time yesterday when we all gathered around the large pile of clothes that my brother decided to get rid of. A lot of these things were stained wife-beaters, but there were definitely some shirts and stuff that were in very good shape and that he was getting rid of either because he didn't ever wear it, or because it no longer looked brand new and therefore made him feel like a slob. By and large, I let it all go, with a couple exceptions.

There is a T-shirt that my Dad used to wear when I was a small child. Another one is one that my Mom brought him as a souvenier from the cruise that I went on with her and my Dad and my Grandfather to Norway. And then there is a shirt that I gave him a few years ago, and that someone gave me. All of these have sentimental attachment for me. One of them fits me pretty well, but the other two really don't. And even the one that does fit, isn't really something that I would want to wear all the time. Right now, after a post-simplification binge I have a rotation of three tops and three skirts/jeans, along with 3 long sleeve tops that I use mostly as undershirts and three sweaters. I really have been enjoying this limited selection, because I can wear anything with anything else, when I don't do laundry it doesn't pile up and make my room a mess, and I more or less am forced to do laundry in a timely fashion because I run out of clothes fast-ish.

For me, getting rid of stuff is a big struggle. I get easily attached to things (like my brother's T-shirts) and the thought of getting rid of them becomes emotional. I also have a hang up about waste. I realize that if I donated stuff, someone else would likely be able to use them, but I have this urge that I should be the one using them, cause otherwise I have wasted their potential right... right? Pat of me feels I should be using them until they are completely gone. I suppose I could allow myself to sell them, but really, most of the stuff I feel like this about is pretty far gone anyway. I have a whole box of shirts that for one reason or another wearing them is no longer a good option, and I have convinced myself that I will alter them, or make a quilt out of them, or else use them to make underware or any number of other projects that I may or may not ever get around to.

So now I am really torn. I can justify keeping the stuff I already have, and I am happy with my limited wardrobe as it is, but I just hate to either add these new items to the scrap box which is already more trouble than it is worth, or to supplant any of the things I am now wearing. I suppose I could take a couple hours and make stuff out of them now, but I almost, as absurd as it sounds, feel like the stuff in my box has seniority. Also, while I could make something out of them, what I would do with whatever that might be is a good question. A lot of what I think I need I already have.

A thought strikes me though. I wonder if my brother would appreciate some treasured apparel memories in the form of throw pillows. This would be easy and fast, I wouldn't need to buy anything and it might be a legitimate housewarming gift. (Or maybe I am a psycho.. That is also a possibility).

Roommate Search Angst

2009-03-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

All week, I have been able to think of nothing but how much I need a roommate soon or I will be in trouble. It has been so preoccupying that yesterday I thought it was Wednesday and didn't go to work. Then that caused a lot of angst and I came reaaally close to crying in front of my coworkers, which might have made them more forgiving about the lateness (I was 25 minutes late, luckily my brother had his girlfriend's car and gave me a ride). But I figured it would not be so classy. Possibly a positive, there was another guy, a new person in training that didn't show up at all. So my lateness was maybe overshadowed. Also, they were totally dead when I got there, so I don't think they missed me too much.

Anyway, It occurred to me, that even if I don't find another roommate by the 10th, I will still be able to manage because C, (my for sure roommate), will be buying half of the security deposit from me. So I will have an extra 300$. And the roommates that are leaving are paying through the 10th, so between them, that will be another 320$. I get payed on the 4th, And should get 400$ then, so combined with what I have in my account now, and C's quarter of the bill, I should be able to pay the whole thing. So, worst case scenario, we don't find anyone to move in until the end of April, I should still be able to manage. I may have to be late with the insurance, or else put it on the credit card until I get my 2nd April paycheck, but I am finally relaxing a bit.

At the very very least, I won't be evicted and me and C will have a home for another month. At the best, we will find someone awesome who wants to move in right away and none of this will be a worry. I am reposting my CL ad every other day, and I am telling everyone I meet about it. I think I even have a good prospect who is interested.

On the CL tip however, It is somewhat interesting that I have gotten at least 3 spam replies to the ad. I am fairly certain that they are not real responses. They are all from people from other countries. Two say they don't speak English well and two of them say they are currently living in North Dakota, which is a fairly obscure place for foreign nationals to be living. The picture that one of them included seemed a bit model-y to be real, and the one I responded to ignored the questions I asked and basically repeated what she said in the original e-mail. The way they use language is very Nigerian spammer, and almost seems to borrow from legal writing conventions, referring to their employer as The Company. One of them infers she is a secret agent of some sort. Very interesting, although I would MUCH prefer real responses.

Food is on my mind

2009-03-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

I notice lately, I have not been eating very healthily. I am a bit embarrassed honestly at what I just had for breakfast. Bacon, a banana and a donut. (Although the donut is a bit stale and I only ate part of it). And I ate fast food at work twice despite resolving not to. And even the days I was good and brought food, what I made was quiche with bacon and asparagus, which although delicious is full of fat. And then, some friends came by from out of town and wanted to see Voodoo doughnuts. So, being all thrifty I got a GIANT BOX of day olds for five dollars. I sure got my moneys worth on that one. As did my roommates. Anyway, I tend to think of myself as someone who is conscious about eating well, and lately I have been conscious of eating not very well. I am not sure exactly what is going on. I think it is a combination of wanting comfort food, of buying cheaper food than normal, and of being busy and distracted and not cooking.

It is a shame that bacon is so bad for me. It is cheap, it keeps for a long time, it is so good, I have a million recipes for it. Actually, I have a Hebridean cookbook of my Mom's. It turns out that the traditional food of the Hebrides is things that don't go bad. So basically oatmeal and bacon. There are a dozen recipes that are a variation on onions, potatoes, cheese, and bacon. And then like I mentioned before, I have been reading the food rationing WWII cookbook, which is also full of bacon. So, I buy bacon because of the recipes I want to make, but it turns out that a package of bacon is meant for, well, more than one person. So I use the six or so pieces in the recipe that I intend to eat all week, and that is fine, but then there is two thirds of a package left. I have actually had it go bad on me recently, so I feel obligated to use it. I wonder if it would work well to wrap up two pieces in plastic and freeze them like that. Because if I freeze the whole package, I have to defrost all of it when I want some, which sort of defeats the point of not eating it all at once in the first place.

Oh well. I am thinking that this week will be about rice and possibly beans. I have a whole lot of ramen packets that I want to use up, and rice made with broth, with currants and grated fresh parmesan is delicious enough to be basically a main meal. I also have beans, and if I got some sausage, possibly of the turkey variety, and maybe one or two vegetables, I could make something yummy and stew like. Maybe I will bake a loaf of bread for bread and butter and get some pickles or olives for lunch, and I have oatmeal with pecans and caramel syrup for breakfast, and that will counteract the bacon from this week.

Oregon budget politics

2009-03-25T12:49:00.001-07:00

Along the same lines as what I posted yesterday, I just read this article this morning about how important it is to let Oregonians know what kind of trouble the state budget is in. I have to admit, it was news to me. But it is true, people need warnings, even if they shouldn't. I was going to say that people are so focused on their individual situations, that people aren't aware of what else is going on in their communities. But that is probably false. Everyone is looking all over the place trying to extrapolate what will happen next. People are looking to the past and the future in hopes of figuring out what exactly is going on and how not to let it run them over. Either that, or they are desperately ignoring the situation.

So if people aren't aware of how broke the state of Oregon is, it is because the state budget, like the article mentions is composed mostly of basic necessities that everyone takes for granted. Or more specifically, the state budget is concerned with providing for some of the most vulnerable Oregonians. And by and large, that group isn't the majority, and it certainly isn't the group that we see on TV although it is a group that most people are tied into somehow, through our communities or our families.

It makes me a bit frustrated that the reason the article proposes for actively getting the word out is not to get people to consider ways to help, or to be prepared to go without the endangered services, but to avoid political scandal. I suppose this is important is some way, no one wants to get blamed for ulterior motives when there aren't any, epsecially when your reputation is your career. But I don't see why politics should get into it. Is the standard that we are comfortable with for government criticism really that shallow? Can people just come up with wild ideas about ridiculous pettyness and ulterior motives from our leaders and have them accepted without support and with evidence to the contrary? I mean, who is going to come up with this stuff? Is it journalists? Is it bloggers? Is the concern simply about everyday people speculating around the water cooler? And if I heard something like this from one of these sources, would I believe it? I might not believe it, but I would probably remember it. It seems like this is the kind of situation that causes stalactites and deposits of speculation that after being established for a few years turn into legitimate background info on a person. And all because of insufficiant PR?

I kind of admire conspiracy theorists for being able to balance almost religious faith in their assumptions, with just enough evidence to make it all seem plausible, or at least possible. But I like to think at the same time, that most people, given the fact that we have a very tight budget, would be able to realize that with not enough money, something will have to be cut and that whatever it is, it is not personal. I suppose that having read this, I will now be on the lookout for the scandal or the PR that this guy is talking about.

Economic Schadenfreude

2009-03-24T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have been seeing online recently, especially what with the AIG scandal a lot of the feeling that rich investor types should experience ruin. Somebody or another said that they should commit suicide. There is talk of all kinds of people resigning or being fired. I recently read about someone comparing the whole scandal to the handling of Hurricane Katrina. I agree with those who say that it is not quite that big of a deal. I think if they were contractually guaranteed the money, which is to say that it was a part of their pay and not unexpected, that is should be considered part of the operating expense of the company. Which is what the bailout (I hate that term) is meant to cover. Whether it is a reasonable salary is another debate. I have heard that other companies paid similar 'bonuses' but also paid lobbyists and lawmakers so no one brought it up. I think most people who aren't addicted to outrage agree that this is not the end of the world, and that the millions of dollars that people are talking about are a small percentage of the billions that are also being talked about, and probably too small a percentage to spend all of this time on.

But I think it is interesting how vindictive people are. My Dad always used to say that giving money to one person is not equal to taking money away from other people. But it does seem like that. I see all the time online where people basically have no clue what the point of the stimulus is. These people say that in order to have more money we should spend less. Now this would make sense if when the government spent money, it went to some kind of vault and stayed there. But the point is that it is respent. Hopefully a lot. The idea is with tax and spend, which is basically what the government is doing, to shake out the pockets where money builds up and doesn't flow properly, so that more money will be moving around the system and through it's flow, it will create more value, which is really what the bad economy is about, an imbalance between value and money. This is macroeconomics.

For microeconomics, the flow of money through the system does not matter. When we spend money on the small scale, we aren't thinking about where it goes next, it might as well be completely gone, and the problem of value versus money can be expected to take care of itself. Yet this is how most people, perfectly reasonably for their purposes, think about money. So they are understandably upset when people with jobs that they don't really understand take up all the country's money for themselves.

And in their upsetness, they imagine these gouging wrongdoers suffering like they do. It seems to me like a demand for empathy. A desire for the people who don't worry about what they will eat to realize the gravity of their decisions on those who do. This Russian calendar is 365 days of schadenfreude. The captions are things like:

“Out of money, you rich dumb?
That’s no problem!
Join us in finding food on the dump!”

I found out about this and got the translations at English Russia.

Stress

2009-03-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well, as an update on the roommate front, there is no luck. The candidate that my for-sure-roommate and I agreed on picked some other house to live in. :-( So I guess it is back to the posting ads and hoping. This basically sucks. But I guess it happens.

As far as everything else goes, my boss just hired a bunch of new people. I guess I see the need of training a lot of people before we get busy, but I am worried that I will never get enough hours after all. I basically need 32. And I don't see it happening, there are a lot of employees and well, they all want as much time as they can get.

I guess I am in good shape to have something and not nothing, but it wears me out to worry about it. The more I think about it, the more I feel like what I had been doing is going nowhere. Responding to CL ads that I was only kindof qualified for is a bit pointless. I feel like I need to find a new strategy. On the one hand, there is selling things online. This basically comes down to being my own boss instead of looking for one elsewhere. Of course this is possible and it is my goal today to try to make some progress here. I can however imagine that this at the very best will start slowly.

So I am wondering if there are any other good ways to find a job. I am considering the value of volunteering. I am sure there are lots of options for that, and I am thinking that not only would it be something for my resume, and good for networking, but maybe if I could get the right place I could basically apprentice myself for a paid position. But maybe that is too hopeful.

I suppose I could come up with something ambitious and start looking for a grant, or investors or something. But that seems a bit out of my scale. And I am not ready to look at other cities or whatnot.

I don't know. Maybe I do just need to be more serious about the obvious avenues. There is a lot of competition, but a lot of the competition is pretty crappy, so maybe I do have a chance. Really a lot of this angst and worry is a bit pointless. It seems like to a degree I only stress out when I don't have anything else to worry about. As far as rent goes, I have already gone out on my limb, and as long as I keep meeting people, either I will find a roommate in time or I won't. And even if I don't, I have a bit of a cushion because of the move in costs. I guess I should have an exit strategy for my own peace of mind, but it is already to late to quit when I am ahead. As for everything else, I am not too worried. It would be nice to be in a bit more stable of a situation, but I suppose a lot of things would be nice. I will just keep doing what seems to be best and we will see where it all goes. I am after all descended from very intrepid stock.

Avoiding Burnout + Homework

2009-03-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

The last few days I have felt on the verge of burnout. I have been tired, unmotivated and my hands and feet feel heavy. It feels almost like I am dreaming sometimes. And also I am grumpy. This cannot continue. As fabulous as life is, I know how it can wear me down if I am not careful. It needs to be a top priority to stay comfortable and relaxed and keep productive without straining myself. I blame this phenomena on a few things, and have a few ideas for fixes. I was thinking yesterday that it worked really well last month when I gave myself homework. It makes my resolutions feel more approachable. I think in a way it is more affirmative than just having all these areas where I just have in mind I need to do better. So I will go point by point over what I should try to do to keep up my energy and enthuisiasm. I might do something like this regularly on my weekend post. If anyone wants an accountability partner for their own personal homework, feel free to post your weekly resolutions in the comments.

Number one is, I have never got myself a real schedule. Each day I have a list of things I need to do and it seems about a mile long. The problem though is that it isn't all stuff I need to do right now, it is stuff that eventually needs doing. So it is demoralizing to look at how little I accomplish, but if I broke it up, I would probably be able to tackle it a lot better and feel better about it.

Homework: I have my to do list on my igoogle page and the morning is when I check my e-mails and feeds and whatnot. At this time, I will write down an estimate of what my day will look like including two or three things off my list.

Another factor is sleep. I have an odd relationship with my sleep and sleep schedules. I have always had a very hard time getting up in the morning. I can make this slightly easier by going to bed before it gets too late. Unfortunately, I have a really hard time going to bed too. When I am tired, I am more easily distracted and I end up spacing out or reading a book for hours instead of going to sleep. This week I have had several late nights. I need to work on getting to sleep at a regular time.

Homework: Every night initiate the go to bed routine at the same time. If I am later than that getting to bed, and I think I could sleep, I should just sleep.

Also, I have been bad about eating regularly and good food. Popcorn does not count as dinner, especially if it is also lunch. I buy food and make plans to cook it, but when I don't get around to it BEFORE I am hungry, the whole scheme falls apart.

Homework: Make sure cooking and shopping is on the schedule and not just the to do list.

Exercise. This wasn't a problem this week, but I know my energy comes from my body and I need to keep it running efficiently. Days I work, I walk four miles round trip, but if I am not going to work so often (like this week), I need to remember to get outside or at least do something active. This week there was both strenuous gardening and irish dancing.

Homework: Keep it up! Maybe mark on my calendar days that I do get some exercise so I can see if there are patterns and so I am aware if it is not happening often enough.

Finally, I lose sight of what I am doing. I really am pretty enthusiastic about my life and all the parts of it. It is not going too badly, but I have that perfectionist streak that makes me want to call it all off for minor slips. I need to work through that stuff. And I need to keep in mind that I am here because I want to be. And that I can change the things that need changing without abandoning the entire goal.

Homework: I think this needs to mostly be a constant battle in my mind. I suppose for the sake of the post, I should put it into action. I guess I will come up with a few affirmations and keep them in my wallet. This blog is a good tool for keeping my eyes on what I want, so I will also keep this going.

Renting Soup

2009-03-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

So, the roommate ad has successfully brought me more candidates than we have rooms, so this is going to be a selection process after all. I am curious how it will go because there a moderately large range of lifestyles among the prospective mutants. There is a girl with a dog who is finishing her masters in natural medicine and hopes to set up a practice. There is a girl from Klamath Falls who is in her own words "EXTREMELY interested in the room" and has a girlfriend who would visit twice a month or so. And there is a 38 year old vegetarian educator of autistic kids who would have kids of his own visit every other Friday. And I am sure if they are not suitable, I could even get some more. This is in addition to an old friend who is definitely going to inhabit the basement bedroom, and another friend who might come bridge the gap if I don't rent both rooms in time.

I feel a bit like I am making soup. I want to pick the people who would balance properly for the best effect. I am assuming that they will still want to live here after they see the place. If they are concerned with absolute cleanness or organization or if they are turned off by an out of control front yard, they might not be into it. I told my current roommates to clean up their space so I can show it to others, but I don't see it happening at this point. Luckily common areas are okay and I can more or less say that everything that is now in the house will either be gone or moved to a drastically different part of the house. So basically when they look at anything, they should use the magic kalaidescope of imagination to envision it however it would look best. Hopefully that goes over.

Of course there are a bunch of elements that I am a bit nervous about. It will most likely end up that at least two people will have to share a bathroom, and possibly three people will share the shower. I know that is a big deal for some. In particular related to gender? Like I am here in the first place because my brother didn't want to share a bathroom with a girl. I honestly could care less, but I am not squicked by things like hairs and only slightly by things like odors as long as they are for example in the bathroom and not the living room. So that will be something I will ask about.

And similarly, some people can't abide dogs. And of course there is the element of interactional facility. Lots of people get really irked by having to deal with people who are either slightly too boisterous or who don't have a great sense of social skills. I can go both ways for that. I can handle it, but it does get wearing if I have to deal with it all the time. Still, I haven't met any of these people yet, so I don't exactly know what combination of qualities any of them will have. Like I said, it feels like I am making soup. For the sake of how much I like living in this house, I hope it turns out to be delicious.

Planting Plants

2009-03-19T15:21:00.001-07:00

Among other things, I have been thinking a lot about gardening. My garden is ready to plant, I can think of one other that is ready, and probably three or four that are not ready. That is fine, but the question comes up, What do I do next. Some of the people that came to help me out said that they wanted to get seed flats so that they could start their plants indoors. I am not sure how to get these alleged flats. I know they exist, I know last year I tried unsuccessfully to buy some, but I think it might have been the wrong time of year. I think I may as well go up to the nursery to see how to get them, but it seems unlikely that they will be giving them away for free, which is about my price range. I have been thinking of making my own out of folded paper. The idea is that they would be temporary little tiny boxes to let the seeds sprout in right? I am considering that depending on what type of paper I use, I might be able to simply plant the whole thing when the time comes. The concern is that they would disintigrate on their own before the seed is sprouted. I think I could avoid this a couple ways. One is to use two layers of paper, one is to try to waterproof it a bit with oil or wax, one is to use only thick glossy paper from junk mail or packages. I am somewhat inclined to plan to get flats but try this out in a variety of methods in the mean time just to see how it works.

I also am considering how late I should wait to plant things. All of my seed packages say "after the risk of frost". When is that exactly? some of them say May-June or April-June, but I am inclined to ignore this a bit since all of a certain brand say that despite the specific instructions on the package. My dad said that it is too early for anything but radishes, peas and lettuce. So I might go ahead with all those.

I have also been sharpening my garden enthusiasm by reading the books I managed to pull out of my crazy mound of storage unit books. Several of them are less garden related than recipe related or preserving related. There is one book about recipes during English food rationing in World War two. It is pretty intense. I feel like tightening up my economy muscles is going to take a little while, but I can imagine being in a situation like that and doing well. It is pretty intense. There are tons of tips for saving every tiny scrap of food, for example how to refine fat skimmed from soups and drippings in order to use it later. I am kind of into this idea. It frustrates me that food is really such a small percentage of my budget, because it seems like doing stuff like this should make a bigger impact on how much money I spend. I need to figure out how to do this with my health insurance.

On a positive side, I have a couple people coming to see my house in order to be my roommates possibly. If it all works out and they like us and each other, by next week I may not have to worry about next month's rent any more.

Super-Sewing

2009-03-18T17:29:00.001-07:00

I am going to a superhero themed party on Saturday and the host is very adamant that the theme should be taken seriously. The invitations were sent a month in advance so that we could come up with good things and there will be a costuming workshop the day before.

I decided to work on my outfit yesterday having nothing else pressing, and having a desire to make some things. Possibly this could also be related to having bought fabric the other day. Well, I definitely didn't use the nice wool. There is a phenomena whereby people give me pink fabric. Some of it is very nice. Some of it is a bit confusing, and some is cheap cotton or smaller pieces of acrylic and stuff that people want to get rid of.

Well, it turns out I am a pink super hero. I am a pink cotton and black polarfleece hero. Well, pink and black just generally since the main part of the suit is actually my swimming suit and the black accessories are all things I had on hand already. It turns out that what I have made is basically a little skirt and a cape. I am really into the cape.

It is a very nice day today and I got along pretty well wearing my cape instead of a sweater. It is surprisingly warm! That is a good thing because half the point is to cover up my back which is exposed by the swimsuit and to keep me warm because again the swimsuit doesn't. I can't see much purpose in having created such a nice cape to only use it the once (or when costumes are required which is not that frequent). So I think I will put this stuff into my regular rotation of clothing. I will probably want to do something to the skirt so it is a little longer. It is certainly in the acceptable range, but at a length that is maybe a little shorter than I like. I have enough extra material that I will probably just make another tier of fabric underneath. I am considering embellishment too. Beading seems like a good idea although I will have to think about it. If I could think of a good print I would silkscreen or stencil it. I also have a lot of hippy lace I might use. Something anyway.

It is good to exercise my sewing skills and I feel smug to have new great fitting interesting garments I didn't have to pay for.

High Class Money

2009-03-17T11:06:00.000-07:00

I sold another book! And this one is eight dollars instead of five. That is encouraging. Unfortunately, eight dollars is not going to solve my problems for now. I decided the most responsible thing to do would be to ask my parents for help. I believe I can manage on my own, and I think I am making great progress. On the other hand, being cut from my shift today put my situation into relief. I have a credit card bill, and a couple other bills that I just can't pay by myself this month. By a lot. If I have extra money to put towards debts in the next few months it will be a bit surprising, and yet these things gather interest and then they screw over my credit which is one of the things I have going for me. I thought of getting another credit card to cover the gap, but it seems like that is not the smartest choice considering that I do have resources.

So, that's what I did. I feel a lot less crappy asking my Dad for money now that I have a job of some kind, but it still sort of sucks. Technically the money is coming from my inheritance which I only get access to when I turn 30, so it is not even really a loan. I do realize though that this is very expensive money, considering that in order to have cash, I have to sell stocks, which are super cheap. The idea is that in a few years, every dollar I spend now will be worth five. So getting a thousand dollars now is like taking five thousand from my future self. I am assuming that my credit and the convenience of not being in debt will be worth it. Well, I am also assuming that the investments will ever be worth anything again, which is certainly not a sure thing. But it seems like a sensible bet.

I feel lucky that I have that resource. I know lots of people don't. I also feel pretty sheepish for not being able to take care of it all by my own means. And I feel a bit uncomfortable about the issues of privilege and entitlement that swirl around the topic of inheritance and all that kind of thing. I know it is a somewhat shallow thing to be stressed out about. I mean, compared to people who are stressed out about not having any options. Still I really don't know how to justify it to myself. There is that 80's song about the girl who comes from a wealthy family who wants to live by her own means, and how the guy she picks up is disgusted and offended by the fact that her choice of a lifestyle basically makes a mockery of his suffering and lack of choices. Now this isn't quite my situation, but I get paranoid that the fact I have basically lived off my progenitors for my whole life (with a few exceptions) makes some kind of moral statement that I don't believe. Ugh, admitting that makes me feel yucky. But I guess it is a legitimate angle on the recession. Money and the lack thereof makes for social situations that are probably novel and uncomfortable for lots of people.

I read a blog recently that said that in a culture where getting cut off on the highway is cause for a violent tantrum, that people are just not going to be able to cope with the kind of cutbacks and deprivation that will for some be an new necessity. Will that bleed into the way that privileged classes see their now former peers? It is easy to find reference to frugality being the new black among the very rich. I would be surprised if this was not on some level a commiseration with those who have lost their security and all of a sudden don't have the kind of cushion they are used to. I suppose that is a reassuring sign of community, but I wonder how long it will last.

I got gardeners

2009-03-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my gardening plan sort of succeeded. I got at least one person who doesn't have any gardening experience to come over and we pulled out all the weeds and turned over the soil in my two raised beds. Then, some other people who have been gardening but just lately came over and we did the same thing for the side bed and the area in the front that was a garden bed when I moved in but eventually became something very like the lawn. Now, almost all that is left is to decide what plants I want and get them planted. I got a lot of old seeds from a friend of mine too, so I have a lot of options. And I had at least one offer of more seeds which depending on logistics I might take up.

I think the next thing to do would be to go to the nursery up the street and see if I can get flats. Last year I started a bunch of plants in paper cups. I remember that it ended up a bit awkward. At the least I can ask how they would recommend starting the seeds, which I think I need to do since they are all at least a few years old. I also want to make a list of people or places that need gardening. I can think of a three off the top of my head. I got three people to come by yesterday, and hopefully I can get at least a couple more out next Sunday.

As for today, my shift got cut. So I have extra free time, but it makes me quite uncomfortable to lose hours. I know I am still short for a lot of things. I have semi-decided to move to the upstairs room, so that I can rent out the two main floor bedrooms for slightly more money. I think I can get away with this because although the upstairs is bigger and has its own half bath, there is no door, so I will have to be quiet, the bathroom is for very short people only, and there is no heat or air conditioning. I think it won't be quite so comfortable as I am down here, but if it will cut my bill down by enough, that would be awesome. I did get one call about the place, but I didn't return it. It was a lady who was looking for a place for her father. I am not sure if that would be a good fit, but maybe I can't affort to ignore anyone. I am going to post another ad right nowish I think, and maybe I will hear from someone.

A day off

2009-03-15T11:13:00.001-07:00

I have a few things to mention today. One is that I didn't blog yesterday, so I am doing it today instead. I plan to keep up with blogging six days a week. The reason I didn't blog is because I spent the whole day in a hormone saturated coma. A friend of mine noted that everyone should be allowed two personal days a month. So yesterday was mine. I had a bunch of plans but felt too gross to really do them. I did however catch up on some of the VHS from my youth that I have been slowly re-watching, plus a movie called Death Stalker, which was highly ridiculous and a bit uncomfortable bad fantasy softcore porn. It was like it wanted to be The Labyrinth crossed with Gor. Unsuccessful, but free.

Some other free things in my life lately have been Organic apple-pear cider. I am not sure where it came from, but my brother's girlfriend gave me three gallons of it. I got the impression that it was being gotten rid of because it was left over and unpasteurized and needed refrigeration. I got it very handily in time to take to the potluck that I went to on Friday. This led to more free food and drinks via my cool friends.

Another free thing that I did was go on a tour of the Pendleton Woolen mill in Washougal Washington. Usually I think of this as the place for cheap wool. Which I did get some of. I found bright red and bright pink. Two yards of each at 2$ a yard. But then we went of the tour which was really fascinating. We saw the raw wool, saw all the machinery they used to dye it, saw the carding, the spinning, the weaving, the fulling, and everything. It was really quite fascinating and a process that while I understand, is done on a level that I could never replicate. The machines they use for spinning go so fast that you can't even see the tiny threads. It makes me very happy however that I do understand the process so well. I feel like I would be a great asset in an apocalypse because in almost each step of the process besides the actual shearing which I have never done or seen done, I know how to make textiles.

Speaking of making textiles, I have a knitting machine to sell. It was very expensive when my mom got it in the early nineties. I would like at 600$ for it or best offer. If anyone knows someone who needs a knitting machine let me know.

Time Poor

2009-03-13T11:21:00.001-07:00

I am amazed at how well I have done posting here six days a week. I have kept journals before, but not so regularly. One of the things that is notable in this girl's recession is how much not having money translates into not having time. On the one hand, I am only working maybe twenty five hours a week. But it does take about an hour to get ready for work. I still spend my hour and a half or two online in the morning and at least a half hour before I go to bed. And then there is all the time spent organizing things, and planning things, and then of course doing things. Gardening takes time, sewing takes time, reading takes time, and then there is the social life I am trying to maintain which has gone from Thursday nights and Tuesday nights through all manners of permutations that don't have regular schedules.

And sometimes, you offer to let someone stay at your house maybe three weeks in advance and forget about it until you get home and have three messages wondering where you are. And then you spend Friday out and about as tour guide, shopping companion, instead of cleaning and fixing your budget. Or writing the "Please, please,PLEASE be my roommate and pay me rent" ad for craigslist, since the "I am very nice and have a very nice room to rent" ad got no response whatsoever. Or put new minutes on my phone because I have pending plans with three people and about 6 minutes left what with the jerk Virgin Mobile lady who applied the money I paid her to the "give me ringtones and games instead of minutes" plan which I told her at least twice that I didn't want.

(I will be doing it myself online from here on out.)

So yeah, that is what I am up to today. I am a bit annoyed with my lack of planning, but I can't resent the opportunity to get out of my neighborhood and see some new and different things. So, off, I go! Whee!

You landed on "win a lawsuit", Collect 200$

2009-03-12T16:09:00.000-07:00

I think my life may be a board game. I just found out that stock market jerkyness in my youth got me on the right end of a class action lawsuit. As my Dad says, the money I made off this suit, (about 200$), does not approach what the wrongdoing cost me at the time, but who is to say I wouldn't have lost that money anyway in the meantime. And for that matter, $200 is a fantastic prospect now, and back then, I probably would not have been bothered about it.

Anyway, this is the good news after spending all week stressing out about things going wrong, like that medical bill from when I had a UTI last fall. And the fact that I haven't heard anything back from the ad I posted looking for roommates. If I don't find 2 roommmates I am more or less screwed. Well, not forever, but it will suck a lot. If I get bad roommates, that will also suck, but if I have to move at sometime, I can accept that. I have lived in a number of kind of sucky arrangements.

Beyond these things, it seems like the ups and downs are relatively small. Like, my gardening assemblage went off not quite optimally last weekend. It rained, and I had to work at the last minute as did at least one or two others. But, I got an offer of free seeds! And this weekend should be better. I almost wonder if I should make a flyer to send to the meetup since I can't go. It would be fun I think. I also subscribed to a few nonprofit group email lists that have to do with enabling small scale gardening. I am not exactly sure however what to do with them. It seems like they have a set framework of who they can help and how and what kind of volunteers they need and where. I don't want to just demand free stuff, but I am not sure how involved I should get. Possibly I could enlist the posse and we could all go help them out in exchange for them helping us. However, time is of the essence, especially when it comes to putting in gardens where none existed previously.

Another small scale good thing that counterbalances the fact that I went over budget lately, is that I made soup out of my leftovers! This makes me feel pretty smart. I could have left them there feeling guilty about being tired of them. But instead, I will put them in the freezer to eat later when the original dish has been forgotten and the flavor is new and exciting again. All I did was put everything in a pot with 2 ramen broth packets and 4 cups of water. Everything in this case is Morrocan Tagine made of roasted veggies, and mashed potato cakes. I then let it get hot and then I put it in the blender. I guess it might not work for all leftovers, but for mostly vegetable type leftovers it works well. Cooking is fun. In fact, I had better go get some going now, or I will be eating raw potatoes for dinner.

Zest!

2009-03-11T12:15:00.000-07:00

I picked up a Portland Tribune at lunch today and reading it somehow filled me with excitement and zest! It was all about the recession and economy and how no one can get a job and how people are losing their houses. Why did this make me happy?

I don't know! But I really feel good lately. It is like I have new life in the couple months. I want to go out, I want to do things. I see my life as something that I am in control of. I haven't had that feeling very often in the past. Sometimes it has been a matter of going to school, which was never really what I wanted to be doing. Sometimes it was about the crappy things that were happening in my life, of the sort that happen in most people's lives sooner or later. Sometimes it was about not knowing what to do. As if there was a wrong answer that people would hold against me. I wonder if not being financially independent had something to do with it. It was certainly something that stressed me out on occasion. I am somewhat inclined to think it is just part of some kind of brain cycle and that I can expect to struggle like that every few years or so. But another part of me thinks it is maybe a matter of maturity. Or possibly magic. ;-)

Anyway. This new enthusiasm of mine considered all the depressing stuff in the news paper and in each article there was some idea of something awesome I could do. The discussion of Portland being the most depressing city in the country, and talk of how impossible it is to get temp work, made me think of all the possibilities I have of going new places and doing different things. I am in no way tied to Portland, although I do love it here. I thought of all the interesting places I have been and wondered what might happen if I really made the effort to go there. I belive that there are volunteer and work opportunities all over that would give me something to do and also a place to stay. But all that is way down the road. I am here at least through next winter.

More things that occurred to me were that I work for a small business. I studied this in school, and I am more or less sure that if anyone else at my job did, including the boss, I would be surprised. But that gives me an opportunity to be valuable. I can dust off a few of my old text books and put some real information into those theoretical models. I doubt that anyone would mind, and if I did a good job, it might not only help the Dairy Queen people, (who totally deserve it in my opinion), but it would be a fun project and probably also be an edge when I want to do something else. I was considering that I could tell the boss that I am interested in maybe owning a fast food franchise in the future, but then I realized that I could totally aspire to that. It seems to be a pretty good deal compared to a lot of things. I also have the opportunity to learn from them what it takes and what it is really about.

The reading also made me consider that "Get a job, any job" is what most people are doing and that there is a lot of competition for a lot of the more obvious avenues to employment, especially for someone as inexperienced and unspecialized as me. But I do have a bunch of good ideas and they could certainly pay off if I really invested in them. And I don't just mean just with money. It really needs to be a priority not just to get through this whole fast food and brokeness phase, but to make my way to the next phase with purpose and enthusiasm. That means overcoming the daily habits that I developed during the last few years of feeling crappy and not doing anything.

Hangups

2009-03-10T14:48:00.000-07:00

I am doing all right with my budget, and my plans, and my job, but as usual there are a number of hangups.

The most annoying one to me is that I am getting impatient. It is a hassle to not have resources. It causes lots of inconvenience. I am so bad at fixing things on the fly. I tend to need to sit down, consider all the angles and come up with a plan. Then I have to actually work the plan which usually is fine if it works out, but when I am worried about something, the little perfectionist in my brain does it's best to tell me that there is no problem, and that almost anything would be better than actually getting to it and taking any action that might possibly fail. Or even not succeed perfectly. In fact, lets stick with "there is no problem", and then I won't have to bother myself about enacting any silly questionable plan at all. This is something I realize I should work on. If a person is prone to denial, then admitting the fact counts as a big step. I may as well continue this momentum.

This combination of inability to plan at short notice and tendency to ignore previous plans evidenced itself recently in overspending for my budget. I have been spending money slightly recklessly. And by that I mean, among other things, that I bought a new cd/record. It is a series I have been collecting for ages. It will be sold out really soon. It was only 13.00. But it makes me itchy for spending more money. I really want to go see Dougie MacLean when he comes to town soon. The tickets (if they are even still available), are $22. That is almost half the money I have in my budget to spend on food, and whatever else I need in a week. I met up with my brother at a fast food place and found myself debating fried food when I had just had lunch! I work at an ice cream store for that matter and all the food is half off for me. And I have a few other pleasant habits that I have not been able to afford for a while that just keep poking the back of my brain like.. "Maybe if you put money aside for a week or two you could get that nice bottle of wine, or sushi, or whatever". Honestly, it is even a temptation to take busses places to window shop. That is 2$ and an hour that I should probably be spending productively.

It would be fine to allow myself this kind of thing if I was disciplined and organized enough to actually keep to the budget. I could get along for food on much less if I needed to. But so far, I have done really badly. I think I am about an average of 10$ over budget each week. And the more I think about the stuff I am spending on, the more a little voice says "You did fine without that whateveritis up til now, why do you suddenly need it". Or more often, I realize too late that I am just putting myself in positions where I have to spend money. Like getting on the bus to the potluck with nothing in hand while calling the house to ask what they need. At that point, I can't really convince myself any more that I will work something out with what is on hand.

Since it is what I do, I may as well plan a solution.

I think that one thing I need to do is write town my spending explicitly I need to keep a notebook with receipts. When I have extra cash on hand from my tips or something, I tend to estimate how much money I can afford to spend on something. If I know exactly what I have to work with, rather than "5$... or so", when the number is actually $3.57, it will be easier for me to plan ahead for stuff I know I will need to get later. Also. Like I said before and didn't do, I need to bring a calculator to the grocery store. Also, I need to leave my cards at home. My excuse lately is that I use Mint.com to streamline my budget, but when I use cash the program doesn't know about it and I have to keep receipts. However, it is a lot easier to spend imaginary digital money than it is actual dollars, so I need to be strict about cash only for my discretionary money. Hopefully I can get around to implementing all this later today.

Selling Books

2009-03-09T13:19:00.001-07:00

Yay! I sold a book! Now we get to the part where I need to send it off. I decided, that since I pay for shipping basically out of the money that I charge for the book, I would try to get the packaging down to as cheap as possible. I read online (I think it was one of my competitor's Amazon profiles), that they use a cardboard cradle, inside a plastic bag inside a manila envelope. Well, I have cardboard. And as far as I am concerned, it is a renewable free resource to me as it is super easy to dumpster dive, even if I don't have any on hand, which I do have at ton of. So, I did a little measuring, I brought out my box cutter and my tape and I made myself a reinforced cardboard packing object that both protects the corners of my book and also keeps it safe from any bending... Although it is a thick book, so bending would be tough.

I am planning to cut down a plastic Fred Meyer bag, which I also have a gazillion of, and tape it into an appropriate shape. I might test the first one for watertightness. Then I can either buy a bunch of big manila envelopes, or wrap the package up with some kind of tough paper I have on hand. I have found that old calendars make great envelopes, but it might end up being too much of a hassle depending on how expensive envelopes are to the general public. So, it looks like all I have to pay for is tape, (and probably envelopes), and the shipping, which the USPS website tells me will be $2.23. That puts my pure profit at $2.77!

That is a bit annoying, but considering the book was free, Powell's wouldn't even accept it, and I didn't have to take a single bus, I suppose I will take it.

In other news, I posted a Craigslist ad for my rooms available, and I organized the storage. I am not sure how I will stash away all this stuff. The books alone take up a remarkable amount of space, but I will continue in my quest to make the room habitable by the end of the month.

My Gardening Experience

2009-03-07T11:39:00.001-08:00

So, last night at my occultural meetup, there was a lot of talk about gardening. I already posted about the food exchange plan, which is partly based on the idea that people should have gardens, but I have not mentioned my gardening attempts last year or my plans for this year. I think it is a good pursuit for almost anyone, although, last year was the first time that I really did it. In past years, I grew a few random plants in pots. I remember trying to plant some window boxes in Ashland, but as soon as the summer sun came out, everything I planted was reduced to wilted or scorched leaves and then died. In Seattle, I planted borage and strawberries in pots and played the guitar for them every day. I really don't remember what happened to them. I think they came out ok? I don't remember eating any strawberries though. Maybe I got distracted. That is my tendency when it comes to plants.

Lat year, I turned over the dirt in the enclosed beds in my yard. I planted lettuce, spinach, zucchinis, cantaloupe, basil, fennel, and a bunch of other things. The lettuce did really well, unfortunately, I really had no idea what to do with it. There was seriously a LOT of lettuce, and while I ate some, most of it got old and bitter and went to seed. I grew leeks, but they never got big enough for me to feel like I should harvest them. I think I remember reading somewhere that they were two year plants. That makes sense to me. They are still out there. Maybe I will get to eat them some other time. A lot of the plants suffered in that I didn't water them at all for several months, until about July I think. And then I would just wet down the dirt and go inside. Eventually, I got myself a sprinkler, and I think from then on out, the garden went much better.

The one real success, was zucchinis and squash. I got several of them and ate them and they were delicious. I even gave one to my neighbor in return for eggs. There is one in my freezer still, and I am not exactly sure if I will end up using it, maybe for zucchini bread sometime, because I get the impression it will be kind of gooey when it is thawed.

This year, I want to garden, and I know about watering, so that will be good. Maybe my plants will get big enough before it is too late in the season for them to give me vegetables. I also will need to remember to preserve the things that I can't use right away. I am not exactly sure what to do with extra lettuce, but I will not grow quite so many this year. Also, I really want peas and beans. So, hopefully that isn't a problem. My Dad said he would give me some of my grandpa's heirloom Granny Short beans. I don't know much about them, other than that they are the main ingredient in the chili of my people. And that we thought they were extinct, but then found a cache.

Also, this time, with my micro-budget, I will have to see about how much seeds cost. I have also assembled the pdxo agricultural force, and hopefully as a group we can get some work done both in my yard and also in other people's.

New Roommates

2009-03-06T12:41:00.000-08:00

Another element of reducing my costs is going to be bringing in some roommates. I have one new roommate, that I already know and who is all prepared and enthusiastic to move into the downstairs room that will be vacated at the end of the month. I have two more empty rooms I'd like to fill. Now, there is some work to be done, before anyone else can live here. Well, and before I will be ready to show the house to anyone that I'd want to live with.

I need to clean. Clean, clean, clean. In particular, I need to clean the common areas, the kitchen, the bathroom, the living room upstairs, Dan's area, I can just straighten up. And then there is the upstairs loft room. Considering that this is one of the rooms that I am proposing to rent out, I should get at least some of the storage stuff out of there. This means putting that stuff somewhere else for a while. As I mentioned before, a lot of it is books. I need bookshelves. I think I have thought of a workable plan as to where to put them. Since it is basically my responsibility, I really should put them in my room, or at least most of them. And since there is not too much space in my room, I am thinking wall mounted shelves on the upper portions of the wall. Should be not super expensive. It makes good use of the space that I am not using anyway, and since it is mostly storage, I shouldn't need to access them all that frequently, so the up high factor shouldn't be a problem. I need to go and see what is out there and how much it costs.

Besides that, I have a few very large cardboard boxes that hold all kinds of miscellaneous things. I never did anything with them since I moved in, but now, I really should. They are not attractive, and if there are three new people in the house, they will be entitled to some space. I think that if I bring these boxes into my room, I will maybe be more motivated to do something with them. Mostly it should mean taking some stuff to goodwill, and possibly packing some stuff in more manageable boxes and sticking them in the attic.

Then there are all the boxes of relics and videos and stuff that my Dad didn't want in his storage unit, that I took on with the idea of either selling or preserving. This stuff, I should at least know what it is, so I can make some progress on that selling/preserving. In the mean time, I have an attic that is mostly empty. This kind of thing which I consider a longer term project, and also the boxes of my ex's stuff, and the one or two boxes of clothes and whatnot that I don't want in my room but don't want to go away can all go in the attic. This is just to make things presentable for future potential roommates.

Then there is the actual finding and wooing of future potential roommates. Since the rooms should be available on the 10th of April, this needs to happen right away. I do however need to consult with the definite future roommate to write an ad, or at least to say ok to an ad, and to plan when/how to interview candidates. There was talk of making them fight, or race, or compete in a double elimination cribbage tourney or something for the honor of living with us. But that is possibly mean. So it is likely we will just ask them probing questions about what they are willing to put up with. Excitement! I gotta do a lot of this this weekend I think.

The new job

2009-03-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

I have been at it for two weeks now, so I might as well mention how it is going.

It is going well. I got lucky with this one, in a way. I am working at Dairy Queen. I also worked at the Dairy Queen in Ashland Oregon and enjoyed it. I worked for maybe a few weeks at the Corvallis Dairy Queen and I hated it. It really is a question of atmosphere. This particular store has been owned by the same guy since the early sixties and is now managed by his daughter. Several of the employees have been working there for 10 years or more. That is pretty unusual for fast food. Even the relative new people have been there for a year or two. I am enjoying it, because even though all of them are like family pretty much, they have been so friendly! There is even a girl who insists on driving me home from work. I am sure it will take no time before I am up on the gossip about everyone's family. Seriously, family is a big theme. All the girls talk about their kids and babies all the time, and one of the ladies is about to have a baby like next week. I don't exactly feel left out, but it is definitely an interesting little culture that is probably pretty common, but that I have never gotten to see first hand.

The workings of the store are pretty retro too. There are no computer screens or headsets. There is not even a dining room. There is only one drive through window. The system that is used involves little pieces of paper and yelling back and forth to the cook. We also often have to tell the car people to go park and then we run the food out to them, so even though it is a drive through, it is as though there was a dining room too. I guess that makes it a drive-in? anyway, a lot of the customers are regulars, so I am trying to catch on to who comes in every night and wants the same thing every time. And besides the regular types, we haven't had many angry or obnoxious customers at all.

That was a big part of the unpleasantness of the Corvallis store, the customers were so mean and grumpy. You would think if you were out to get ice cream, you would maybe be a little more cheerful. Maybe it was just that store because it doesn't seem standard so far. I am remembering how much I enjoyed this job in Ashland. It is so much fun giving treats to the kids and cute old people. I love the interaction, and the making the food is fun too. And this store is pretty relaxed about the busy work. As long as everything is done by the end of the day and in a reasonable state throughout, there is not so much in the way of make-work. Oh and did I mention tips? I am getting close to 5$ a night which sounds like not much, but I have never heard of tipping for fast food, and that change comes in handy.

The one downside is, I have not been getting that many hours. I probably won't until summer. I definitely need additional income. The good thing is, even the days I am working, I often don't start until 6pm. So I will definitely sign up with a temp agency.

Phone Phun

2009-03-04T12:05:00.001-08:00

So, I got a new phone, it is all activated and the old one is turned off. If you want my new number, message me or leave a comment. I am currently outraged at the price of texting. Is this a deliberate scam? It seems like it. I don't see how it could cost more than half as much to transmit text messages as it could to talk. Why isn't texting free for that matter? I don't think I will be using it for a while. It seems like I have quite the bill on my other phone for going over the limit of texts. I am not sure exactly what I am going to do about it, other than see what happens. Maybe when they send me the bill in the middle of the month I can call them up and explain to them that I can't pay it all at once. The fact that I am no longer actually using their service would seem to take away some of their leverage.

That said, while dealing with this whole phone swap, it became evident that the new cheapness has not so good customer service. Their website was pretty ambiguous. For example I got a deal where I got a free phone when I buy minutes. But on the website, in the section marked "details", it was noted that this deal expired like, a week previous. So I called them up and was like.. "So is this on or isn't it." and they seemed confused but assured me that it was in fact not expired. Seems like a funny way to get people to take you up on your offer, making it look like a trick.

So then I get the phone, I mess around online for a bit, trying to get the activation code on printed inside behind the battery to work. It didn't. So I called in once again. This lady sounded like she was mad that I called in and disturbed her lunch. She kept asking me questions that I didn't know the answer to (I was asking for help, if I knew what was wrong I probably wouldn't have called). Eventually it turns out that the tiny numbers I thought were 0's were 8's. Ok, whatever, so then she says I need to buy minutes. I tell her I was supposed to get minutes for free with this deal or whatever. Her response is that that only applies if I activate my own phone online, which I didn't do, since I just called and had her do it. I was a bit surprised and annoyed at this, but mostly just wanted to get my phone working, and I was only out 10$, so I just went along with this. It is a good thing, as you will hear. Finally, I asked if there was anything else I needed to do and she told me that I was done and as soon as I get a text message from their service, I would be able to use the phone. So I waited... About 20 hours later, I happened to check my e-mail and there were 4 messages. One of them explained that I needed to program the phone for it to work. When I did that, I got two messages right away, one saying that all was well and I could use the phone, and the other said that I had had the 10$ added to my account since I had bought it under this deal.

I was both pleased and annoyed. We will see how this trend keeps up.

Then there was the experience of shutting down my Sprint phone. That lady was helpful, nice, and did exactly what I asked her to without arguing and answered all my questions in a way that has not caused me any problems or confusion. So while I am still under contract, I get to pay only 5$ a month for up to 6 months and when I get back, they will not charge me so much as they have been because I am a good customer. :)

look back to the depression

2009-03-03T22:46:00.000-08:00

This is not the first time that the USA has been through tough financial times. While this recession is dramatic, everything we are going through has happened, and worse, and to more people, and for longer, back in th 1930s. It is hyperbole to call this the next great depression, but it does seem like a comparison that is being made all over.

It is indeed pretty smart to look back because whether unemployment ever reaches 15% again, people then, people who are in many cases are still alive, had to cope with many of the same challenges that are again challenging people today. Of course the world is a lot different today, so there is lots of opportunity to develop our own solutions and to improve on those of previous generations, but lots of concepts that worked then are still sound. This video is and example.

Another reason to look back at that era is to see how it has led to the conditions that we see today. In discussing with older members of my family this weekend, we identified what seemed like a pendulum effect. Many people who lived through the depression internalized their coping skills, and their descendants were forced to make sense of them. For instance, I know a lady whose mother, a young woman during the depression, insisted on making do with second hand everything, even when they could afford not to. As an adult, this lady hates the idea of buying used because she associates it so strongly with what she considers the deprivation of her childhood. Another lady in my family believes that the kind of spending and credit reliance that is the common mode of finance for many people today is a result of the policies put in place since the depression to spur commerce and help people with no savings. The values of saving and reuse that may at one point have been ingrained and taken for granted are now rare, as savings are taxed and social security provides for elderly.

Then there is my dad, who's experience counteracts this potential trend. His father never lost a fear of poverty despite rising far above the limited means of his youth. As a result, he passed on a sense of urgency to my father when it came to waste and efficiency. My Dad says this has led him to live as though he were likely at any time to lose everything. It looks like a lot of how values of thrift and saving are passed down depends on the personality and circumstances of the individuals involved, but examining numbers of individual situations can give a better picture of the common threads and the variety of a situation.

I am not sure whether I personally believe the depression is very much to blame for the spending attitudes of today. Especially compared to other effects. It is true that conditions then led to conditions today, as the past always leads to the future, but that progression has taken many various paths. It would be worth while to continue to collect information to see what effect the depression era had on individual descendants of those who lived through it. This may be true, if for no other reason than to glean the lessons that those people passed on, and maybe also to consider what our legacy might be in terms of values and strategies in dealing with resources. It is important to keep this legacy in mind, even if this era in US economic history turns out less dramatic than the depression.

The next steps

2009-03-02T13:13:00.001-08:00

Well, I gave myself a good amount of homework last week, and I am pleased that I have completed most of it.

I listed 25 books on Amazon last night, and wee will see how they sell. Honestly, I was a bit disappointed in how much the books go for used. Some are competing with other sellers who want to accept as little as 25 cents for a book. Amazon charges 3.99 for shipping which comes basically out of the price you charge for the book, and that includes packing materials as well as postage, and some of these books are pretty heavy. I need to find out, exactly how much shipping will really cost. I am pretty sure media mail is a lot cheaper than first class, but I am not quite sure of the parameters. I also need to figure out how I want to pack the stuff, because I can probably use at least some free materials, like cardboard and plastic bags, but I want it to be consistent and at least somewhat professional. If this does turn out to be worthwhile, I can see heavy use of packing tape.

As for the budgeting, I did fine, with a few slip ups. I need to take a calculator to the grocery store, so I don't accidentally buy stuff that is outside my budget. I mean, if I want to make a recipe that has one or two really expensive ingredients, I am comfortable substituting or leaving them out, but if I don't have to, I don't want to. This is about being sensible, not depriving myself. And those 3 or 4 dollar items really add up. Also, I need some snacky things I can grab and go, because while preparing a packed meal is no problem, I want to be able to be spontaneous and also not put myself in a situation where I am going to buy food that is fast.

I got myself a Virgin Mobile handset, so, I basically just have to activate it. That means I will have a new phone number really soon. Like in an hour. I am unsure how to let everyone know, but I guess I will post it online and call a few people and let everyone else figure it out via those people who do read my lj. I am excited by how cheap and straighforward it seems so far.

The main thing I didn't get to is finding job hunting resources. I know a google search would probably yield something somewhat worthwhile, but I have an inkling that the really good, contemporary, thorough and free stuff would be buried in non-worthwhile crap that would cost money to really get anything out of, if it doesn't turn out to be scammy. I think I might check out book reviews on Amazon and see what I can get at the library. Also, blogs are good. Does anyone have any recommendations? I am wondering if super old school Dale Carnegie type stuff is worth paying serious attention to for the kernels of truth, or whether old models of job hunting are going to get me anywhere at all. Like I said at first, I need a resource that can really hold my hand and spell it out step by step. Maybe that is too much to ask.

And finally, I am really quite excited about the food-share plan. I know someone who is working on an online community currency infrastructure and in the meantime I will see what I can do to set up a forum or something to actually conduct exchanges on. Experimentation and time will tell what really needs to be done.

Food Share Scheme

2009-02-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

So, inspired by a couple of casual tweets and articles from some friends, I began thinking. Lots of people produce food. Bakers, gardeners, hunters, gatherers, and scroungers. Lots of times, it is convenient to produce much more of a certain thing than you actually would like to eat. For example, if you have a zucchini plant, you might get 15lb, of zucchini within a week. What will you do with all that? Or if you dumpsterdive, you might find a whole case of canned asparagus where the labels are on upside down or something. Or maybe you work at a coffee shop that gives you all the day old muffins. Also, lots of people are on really tight budgets. Sometimes, we rely on unhealthy food because it is cheap. It seems there is no reason not to try something out that would cut us all some slack when it comes so paying for food. I personally can't function at all if I get too hungry.

So, the question is, why not get together and do a food trade. I am imagining a scenario where people trade fresh, frozen, or preserved foods of all sorts. It would be important to disclose exactly where the food came from, but any edible should be good enough.

This is how I am seeing it. People who produce food, list it on a website. People who want food, can then either trade for something they have produced, or else "buy" it, with a community currency. I will call them green plugs. It will be up to them to physically exchange the food, although if there was a weekly meeting, even informally, it might make things easier. Since some people will produce more than others, I think there should be an exchange rate whereby people who don't have plugs can buy them for US dollars. This money can go into a pot. At the end of the year/season, the people who have extra unused plugs can proportionally divide the money in the pot and clear their plug balance. That way, even if you aren't able to trade, you are still supporting the group. Eventually, this part of the plan might be phased out as people find ways to contribute more.

I think a group like this would be best with maybe around 20 people. Much more than that, it seems would cause logistical problems and stop being much of a community, and too many fewer would mean not enough choices to make it worth while.

I can imagine a scheme by which plugs could be both physical and virtual, since in my mind, I see this being basically run online. Perhaps a sticker that could be redeemed online to actually claim your plug? However, it seems like in order to get things running, paper plugs of various denominations, possibly with a serial # in order to keep track of them, would be the simplest and easiest to use and the cheapest to generate. Similarly, while I am sure somebody could make an elite website, I think a simple forum setup would serve the basic purpose in the interest of doing something instead of nothing.

I can see if something like this was successful, adding other non-food goods into the mix, but that is maybe beyond the scope, although there is no reason people shouldn't barter for plugs if they are broke. It's a lot easier than trying to barter with the grocery store. I see no reason not to implement this. Really it couldn't hurt. There would need to be a planning period of some sort, but it seems like this could happen as soon as next month or so. The worst that could happen is that no one would participate. If anyone is interested, or has ideas of who to involve, or anything I haven't mentioned, let me know.

Today's Money

2009-02-27T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am pleased that my rent will be going down soon, with the addition of a new roommate. I thought to myself that this will be the most per hour that I have ever made, and also the lowest rent I have paid. But then I got to thinking. Is it really the most I have made? I assume, that when minimum wage goes up, that it is based on the value of the dollar going down. It is easy to get excited about a larger number, but if that represents a lower value in terms of buying power, it is not so exciting after all.

And then I thought of my rent. I don't really know if I am getting a great deal, or a not so good one. I am happy with my house, and my rental company, but maybe it would be a good idea to look around.

I determined that I would find statistics to let me know how my current situation actually measures up. To figure this out, I used the US Bureau of Labor Statistics' CPI Inflation calculator

In 1996 I made $5.50 per hour. I think this may have been below minimum wage, but it was ok, because I was part- time and a teenager. In today money that would be, $7.40.
In 2000, I made $7.00 per hour (plus tips at a coffee stand). In today's money that would be $8.58.
In 2003 I made $8.30 per hour. In today's money that would be $9.52.
In 2004 I made $7.50 per hour. In today's money that would be $8.38.
In 2008 I made $8.25 per hour. In today's money that is only $8.09, I'm glad I didn't save it ;-)
Now I am getting Oregon minimum wage at $8.40/ hour. Honestly, it's not bad. The only time I really made more, I was doing much harder work.

Now for rent: As far as my neighborhood goes, I found this website that pinpoints the recent rentals in my neighborhood within a couple of blocks. And it looks like I am paying somewhat more than average for my house. The median rent for four bedrooms in my zip code is $1395 and the average square footage is 1683. I am paying
$1500 and I have 1575 square feet. I was also able to get a bunch of statistics on my house and it's relative value at this site. I am slightly surprised, but I don't feel like I am getting a bad enough deal that it would be worth going elsewhere. Overall, this was an interesting lesson on where I currently am.

Walking for transportation

2009-02-26T11:03:00.000-08:00

It has only been a few days since I decided I was serious about this not spending all my money thing. One element of this that pleases me very much is walking for transportation. Now, I have always liked walking, and I had been walking for exercise fairly often in the last few years. And I suppose you could say that I have been walking for recreation on and off most of my life. But walking for transportation is a lot more exciting to me.

About a month ago, while out walking for exercise, I fell and sprained my ankle. It took me two weeks before I could walk farther than just a block or two. For almost a whole week, I could take barely more than a few steps. It was so frustrating. It also made me appreciate my feet a lot more than I recently had. It occurred to me, that the body is a natural resource. I tend to think of my body more in terms of what it requires than in terms of what it offers. It needs food, it needs clothes, it needs rest when I would rather read my book or play online all night. It is enough to make me pretty frustrated sometimes. "Why will my body not stop demanding things!?" I complain to myself. But now that I think about it, my body does give back. It gives all kinds of useful sensory perception. I think I take pretty good advantage of that. I am sure it does a lot of other things that are very useful to my lifestyle.

But transportation? Don't you need a car for that? or a bike? or some kind of specialized equipment at least? At it probably costs money right? It turns out that walking gets you places just as well, if not quite as fast as any of those other methods. Here are some things I like about walking for transportation.

1. At the end of my walk I get a prize! I am in the place I wanted to go!
2. It causes me to spend more time outside. Outside is a fascinating place.
3. It is good for me. Walking to get somewhere is like multitasking because I am both traveling and exercising. Efficiancy FTW!
4. If I walk somewhere, It is likely I can walk back. As a non-driver, being stranded is of some concern, but not when I walk!
5. It is free and gives me a DIY thrill.
6. No worries about any ethical issues with walking. No emmisions, and nothing to buy.
7. I have a much better sense of distance. I am terrible at knowing how far away things are, but if I am measuring the distance with my feet "close" and "far away" get much more precise values for me.
8. I get an opportunity to get my plans straight in my mind. It is a lovely transition period in which to get straight what I actually want to do when I get where I am going.
9. I don't have to wait for anyone else. No traffic, no annoying bus people, no kind relatives who will give you a ride when it is convenient for them.
10. All the other gazillion things that I like about walking in general, even when it isn't for transportation.

What doesn't work and what does

2009-02-25T11:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I am working on the homework I gave myself over the last few days. It is going fine, and where I am having trouble is where I am not planning, or where I have failed to consider all the angles.

For example, I decided I would bring my lunch to work and eat there so I wouldn't be buying food that is fast. Now, this really only works when you get around to preparing the food before it is time to go to work. And when you get home at midnight, kindof tipsy and mostly exhausted, it is not the best time to start cooking. Now, I managed to make my packed lunch happen, but it involved lots of confusion and frustration first thing in the morning, which is really not my best time. I know that for my life to work out, I need to eat, and for my eating to work out (with my budget), I have to cook. I can now safely add that in order for my cooking to work out, I need to plan and do dishes.

Another example of an incomplete and unsatisfactory plan, is the hunger that I am enduring right now! I thought I was tricky and found a deal. Free food! However, the part I forgot about, was substituting one meal for another one that is free but doesn't occur for several hours, leads to several hours of uselessness and a headache.

I am hoping that the same isn't true of walking to work instead of taking the bus. Honestly, the bus wouldn't save me much time, but it might save my feet. We will see how it goes by the end of the week, but I have blisters. They are not too bad now, but I still have 6 miles of commute this week. I think I will experiment with different socks.

On the things that are working out tip, however, I am quite pleased with how my first day went. The people are nice and reasonable, everything is more or less how I remembered it, and this Dairy Queen encourages tipping! So I get tips! Tomorrow I get to try the night shift, which will involve teenagers. I am somewhat excited.

More money coming in

2009-02-24T18:23:00.000-08:00

Now, I have a few options when it comes to making more money.

-I can look for another job. This could be either instead of or in addition to the one I just got. I need to remember that this is not my final destination and that no matter how much I hate job hunting, I will never get the fantastic grown-up job I want without looking for it. In fact, now that I am not so desperate, maybe it would be a good time to look critically at my job hunting process and goals. Also, depending on how regular the schedule here is, it might be a good idea to look for something else. They took me on for nights and weekends in particular, so it might be convenient to look for temp stuff that happens durring business hours.

-I have all that stuff to sell, which I also need simply to get rid of. I think this is a definite to do. Most of it is books. I have sold books before at Powells, and I know people who have sold through Amazon, and I also have an e-bay seller account and some experience with that. I am not sure whether it would be smarter to sell what I can first at Powells where they will give me cash and can probably take a lot of stuff off my hands that might be a bigger hassle to list and sell online. Or whether I could make enough extra money by selling online at the full retail price myself. It seems like some research is in order. Perhapse I should get a bunch of books and check to see what Powell's would give me for them. Then, I can list them online and see what if anything sells in a month. Then I can compare the pros and cons of instant book selling gratification.

-Finally, I have what seems to me to be a pretty good idea for a ebay or etsy store. My concept looks to be pretty unique and I've got a lot of positive feedback. The action I have taken has been pretty haphazard though. It seems like putting this together would be a thing worth doing. I will need to make a plan though, in order to make it work.

So, my to do list in this arena for the week seems to be: Pick out 25 or so books and list them online. Make a rough draft action plan for the other project. And maybe a good goal for the eventual job search would be to come up with some resources, since I tend to feel so lost when it comes to that.

Well. Now I had better get dressed and make my way to the work-place. I am pretty nervous. meeting new people is scary, then there is the part where I need to be uselful enough to be worth paying and get along with the boss. I get so anxious! But I can remind myself that this is just the first day, and that if a variety of my role models can do it, so can I.

In order to save

2009-02-23T09:56:00.000-08:00

Now, yesterday, I outlined my income and expenses, and it doesn't paint an especially reassuring picture. I definitely owe more than I make, but I think I can whittle it down quite a bit, so as to stay in the zone that keeps me stable with my lifestyle and allows me to pay back my debt.

Now, the biggest place where I am spending way more than I should, is my phone. I thought about the options available to me. On the one hand, I am under contract, so I can't just cancel my service and sign up for something cheap. On the other hand, I can more or less put my phone on vacation so that I don't need to pay for it. Assuming I did this, I have a few options, for example:

-Prepaid or pay as you go wireless. I could get a new phone and phone number. Virgin Wireless has the best deal I found in a quick search with 200 minutes for $20. I would have to get a new phone, but it looks like you get one free as a new customer.

-Internet phone. A Skype subscription is the definition of affordable, and I already pay for internet. If I could get voicemail from my current phone number I could use this to call out. You can also get a skype phone number for incoming calls for 12$ per 3/months. The downside is, I would have to trust my computer to handle it? I am not so sure I do. Also, if I wanted to use a phone instead of my crappy microphone, I would have to be adventurous and create it myself.

-Old fashioned Landline. If I want to pay for just what I use, and use only what I really need, the monthly portion could be as low as $6 or unlimited use for about $30.

Depending on how much a "vacation" retirement of my current phone actually costs per month. (I believe it is between 5 and 20 dollars a month), I am leaning towards the wireless, just because it is so much more convenient. If that is more like 20$ than $5 however, I might go for the skype just as an experiment, because it is cheap enough that I really can't go too wrong.

The next place I should look at to save at the moment is food/extra money. I have been fairly relaxed about this, but if I take it more seriously, stop eating out as often, and buy things on sale, I should be able to cut out my main source of random spending. At least for a month, I can see how doable my estimates really are.

-In order to spend less in this arena, my best option is to plan ahead. I know from experience that if I don't know what I am going to eat or if I don't have it handy, I go spend lots on something that is convenient, or else I don't eat anything and feel terrible. So the first step is making a plan and then making a list.

-The second step is bargain hunting. I know I like a few luxuries that I can pay a lot for, or that I can go slightly out of the way for and get much cheaper. These include wine and ice cream. I am lucky that there are 2 dollar stores and a grocery outlet close to my house, not to mention 2 grocery stores in walking distance, and another one that is a bit more of a hike.

-Finally, I am pretty capable when it comes to making my own. I bake bread, I cook big pots of soup, and I know what to do with both leftovers and odds and ends so that nothing goes to waste. The big issue is exercising these capabilities.

So, my to do list is to take care of my phone service this week, and to get my weekly food and what not budget in cash so I won't accidentally spend more.
Also, make a food plan for the week and a shopping list including food and anything else I know I will need.

Tomorrow, I will look into ways to boost my income as well.

Inputs and Outputs

2009-02-22T15:35:00.001-08:00

Money is a key element in being a grownup and living an independant life today. Some people in a variety of ways get along less money dependent than others, but by and large, the ability to easily pay for goods and services comes in handy. I have some money, but I also have some bills. I am going to try to lay out my inputs and outputs here and try to come up with a plan whereby I can pay the bills efficiently.

Outputs:
Rent. this is 500$ this next month and $375 after that.

Utilities. Trash, water, internet, power: So far this has worked out to about 100$ a month. I think I owe more this month because we onlly get charged for water bimonthly.

Phone. This is a minimum of 60$ but usually ends up more like 100 because I pay extra for text messaging and there are usually a bunch of fees for insurance and miscelanious. I know I owe more right now because I havn't paid it in a while.

Health insurance. This is 108$ per month. If I actually go see a doctor it is out of pocket for the first 3000$. I havn't seen a doctor for a long time, but I am generally healthy.

Food. I think I usually spend about 40$ per week on food and groceries not including booze and eating out. I think it has been lower lately, but I have also been eating out more than I like. That is $160/month. Not too bad.

Debt. I owe 1000$ This is a personal debt that doesn't really have a time limit at the moment, and is intrest free. I would feel comfortable paying that back as soon as possible. I also owe about $750 on a credit card.

For everything else I will guess about 50$ That is probably mostly bus money honestly. I am super cheap.

Inputs:
I currently have about 1200$ available in credit. I know that I have excellent credit, and I could probably get more if I tried. I assume I could. This might be part of the short term answer.

I will be getting a new roomate next month or so who will buy half the rental deposit from me. this is $250. I may be able to borrow from my brother against this if I need it now.

I have a lot of books and other random objects including a knitting machine that I plan to sell. I have no idea how much I could actually get from them.

I have a job! I will be making $8.40/hour minus tax as that is minimum wage. It astounds me that this is the most I have ever made at a job. I suppose maybe in real terms it isn't, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't. So, I don't know how much I am going to get to work, so I will consider that next. Taxes actually may not be an issue since I am probably taking a giant investment loss this year. We will see. If I do take a loss, it would maybe mean selling stocks, which would mean I would have some extra cash on hand. This is not something I want to plan on, since I would want to sell to my best possible advantage which may be nowish or may be December.

So it looks like this month will cost me about 1000$, and next month will cost about 600$ (bare minimum of course)

Next time, I will consider what I can do with this and what it means.

The breakdown

2009-02-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

So, when I consider what I need to do in my life, there are a few distant "before I die I want to" type goals that come up, and then there are the things I really need to get done short term.

I figured that a list would be a good way to lay out what kind of goals I have to concern myself with.

1. My roomates are moving out and I need to replace them. This does not mean just putting up an ad, but also making room for people in areas I have used as storage. Also it means getting the house looking nice.

2. I need to be self sufficient. I had some resources that I lived off for a really long time, but basically I have run them close to dry and I need to bring in as much as I put out. I got a job today. It is fast food, so I can't say it is my dream career, but it is income and I think that while this is not permanent it is something to start with. I have a little debt, too, so budgeting will be part of the answer.

3. Personally, I could do quite a bit better when it comes to exercise, daily routines, and housekeeping. This would probably make a positive impact on my life although it comes with baggage.

4. I don't really have a clear image of what I want out of life, but I can safely say that I don't just see myself getting along via the daily grind. I want some awesomeness in my life. I can't pinpoint exactly where or how that will come into being, but it seems likely that it will involve getting some basic skills like driving.

So, there are 4 things to begin with. I think that is a good place to start. Maybe tomorrow I will break them down a bit further.

Maybe a new plan

2009-02-20T17:08:00.000-08:00

So, I feel that it is within my capabilities to make and keep up a blog that is worthwhile and informative and entertaining and relevant. I feel life it would be a good idea to do such a thing. This is an example of the stuff I have read about why it is a good idea to blog.

I also have a few projects in progress that would be worth documenting. In general, my life is pretty basic now. The year is just beginning, and I really have very little idea how it is going to go. There are a lot of things I have thought about doing and a lot of directions that I could go in in order to be the person that I can vaguely imagine being. Yesterday, I was broke, unemployed, with a big house full of random stuff and roommates on their way out, single, and in general I feel like I have very little idea of what I am doing. It seems like this is something I could change if I wanted to. I have always assumed that I could do whatever I put my mind to. My progenitors certainly did. I have like 4 generations at least of awesome to be inspired by. It is time I was. I guess I always assumed that something would happen. I figured that when tho opportunity presented itself, I would just go ahead and take that opportunity and the rest of my life would just go from there. Well. I am close to 30 and that hasn't happened yet. I have a bunch of vague ideas that I consider I want to get around to, but more significant at the moment are the variety of pressing issues that need attention. If this was a game, I would be excited to attack these concerns and develop the plans and ambitions. Maybe it is a game.

I started this originally with the idea that it could document my domestic adventures, which definitely deserve documenting. On the other hand, that is not my main focus at the moment, and I don't think it necessarily should be. So it is my plan to blog my progress. Not as a journal, but as a record of how I get from now to later. Maybe there are other people in a similar situation who will want to read it, (although I don't plan to promote it until I have something going). So this is the introduction to this project. When I can I want to literally document what I am up to with photos and whatnot, but for now, we will see how it goes.

Words

2008-12-18T00:57:00.000-08:00

Main Entry:
re·cru·des·cence
Pronunciation:
\-ˈde-sən(t)s\
Function:
noun
Date:
circa 1721

: a new outbreak after a period of abatement or inactivity : renewal a recrudescence of the symptoms a recrudescence of guerrilla warfare

Pe·la·gi·an·ism (pə-lā'jē-ə-nĭz'əm) Pronunciation Key
n. The theological doctrine propounded by Pelagius, a British monk, and condemned as heresy by the Roman Catholic Church in A.D. 416. It denied original sin and affirmed the ability of humans to be righteous by the exercise of free will.

Pe·la'gi·an adj. & n.

di⋅late
/daɪˈleɪt, dɪ-, ˈdaɪleɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [dahy-leyt, di-, dahy-leyt] Show IPA Pronunciation
verb, -lat⋅ed, -lat⋅ing.
–verb (used with object)
1. to make wider or larger; cause to expand.
2. Archaic. to describe or develop at length.
–verb (used without object)
3. to spread out; expand.
4. to speak or write at length; expatiate (often fol. by on or upon).
Origin:
1350–1400; ME dilaten < MF dilater, L dīlātāre to spread out, equiv. to dī- di- 2 + lāt(us) broad + -āre inf. suffix

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T14:33:00.000-08:00

I figured a little thanksgiving bloggling would be a good thing today. I have seen it a lot elsewhere today and it is a worthwhile trend I think, even though I am not celebrating the holiday in the traditional style. In no particular order:

1. I am thankful for the house I live in. I have enough spact to not have to worry about choosing what I want to do or own based on it, and I can entertain again finally without people being claustrophobic.

2. My dad and brother who both care about me lots. Just thinking about what I would do without them is making me tear up.

3. The fact that I have been able to take so much time getting my life and whatnot in order. I am not working some crappy job or being taken advantage of because I had to do whatever it took to support myself. On the contrary, I have been able to do pretty much anything I want with my time for an amazingly long stretch.

4. Portland. I have my public transportation if I want to go somewhere, and I have somewhere to go if I want to get out of the house. I know there are adventures available just about anywhere if I look. And I feel safe, and I get the climate that makes me feel like I belong and it is closely adjacent to all the rest of the places I want to spend time.

5. My health. I am not sick. I can eat what I want, move around in ways that suit me, and I don't have to worry so much about giant unexpected bills that I can't pay. And I am basically free from pain which when I think about it is a wonderful gift.

6. Glasses and contacts. I can see! Even though my eyes are not really that good. I can twiddle a gizmo and it's like, the world becomes clear! I have lived without seeing properly, and come to the conclusion that while its the kind of thing I can live with, it is really much better not to have to.

7. The art that I love. Books, TV, and other creations, they often inspire me, and make life more wonderful. Its like frosting for the day to day aspects of my life.

8. Friends that support me. I think I take this for granted sometimes because I do my best not to rely on their support. I really believe that if I was in trouble, I would have a number of people who would do whatever they could to help.

9. Good food. When I am hungry I have a ton of choices. And the luxury of cooking for fun, with almost any ingredients I might desire.

10. Technology. While I like the DIY parts of my life, if I didn't have my laptop or my cell phone, things would be way tougher for me. And if you want to go even more in depth, the fact that the heat works at my house, and that I can get on a bus or in Dan's car or a train even I guess and be whisked off somewhere remote. And then there is TV which isn't vital but is definitely appreciated on occasion, and the microwave, and my ipod! Wow, wouldn't want to live without that lately. It is great that these things are available for me.

Aftermath

2008-11-06T16:55:00.000-08:00

So, election day isn't just election day for me. It is also the aniversary of the most traumatic thing that has happened to me. That is my mom's death. I feel kind cheesy making such a big deal out of this all the time. Certainly much more difficult things happen to people all over, on a fairly regular basis. And it wasn't as though there was anything about it that was anyone's fault. But all I have to compare with my life is the rest of my life, so I guess that the high mark of my putting up with the unpleasant was this event.

That said, I always feel like a basket case this time of year. Actually, this year, despite the election that I did my best to ignore, and my boyfriend moving away, went pretty well. I at no time failed to function in the dramatic ways that I have in the past. The worst it got was a few weeks that I let a big mess pile up in my house and that is already gone so why dwell on it.

My brother mentioned nightmares and trouble sleeping, and my sleep has been slightly eratic, but basically ok. I still have no job despite dwelling on it constantly and never actually doing anything to get one. But on the positive, after basically staying at home all the time for months and months, I have had in quick succession quite a few social engagements that were net positive.

Things are going pretty well. The (in my opinion) positive result for the presidential election feel like they have in some way redeemed my low expectations for my own short term quality of survival. Although really it has nothing to do with my day to day life. It has made me think about a lot of things having to do with the world in general. Technology has made a lot of things that are really not related closely to my life seem as though they are. I imagine the presidential race here as though I were a peasant in Pakistan that I saw on TV a few months ago. This person could not imagine how the election (which to her meant no more than daily life being interrupted by a bus ride to a polling place to vote for a man she had never heard of, on the behest of her village elder), could possibly effect her life. And to a degree, she was correct. Because her life was lived day to day, with simple priorities. She cared about the weather as much as politics because each effected the agriculture that was the basis of life in a similar way. And actually, as long as the politics stayed away from her small corner of a rural area, weather was much more important.

My life, surrounded as I am with people on whom my livelyhood basically depends, is not quite as simple. But I have to remember that just because things that important public figures do can effect me in some way, doesn't mean that it these actions are anywhere near as personally important to my life as the actions I take day to day.

And the things that can impact my life the most profoundly, such as death, are really almost as random as the weather.

That said. Today was a loss. I slept badly, had strange dreams, didn't eat dinner last night and still haven't eaten anything today, and honestly haven't made it out of bed since 11:00 pm last night. Its dark again and the only thing I have on my list to do (besides Nanowrimo). Is going grocery shopping, which is still doable.

Maybe I will get food that is fast. PDXO is not happening for me because my ID is still expired.

Pumpkin Carving

2008-10-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

Pumpkin carving is a fun thing to do in the fall. For my family it is a tradition. I think my Dad mentioned that it was the 34'th annual. Wow. I am impressed he has done anything at all every year. I forget he had a life before I was born. Still, I have a lot of memories of our family friends, the McDaniels. They have 2 daughters older than me by 5 years or so. Now, it is their families too! It struck me, that it is great to have these connections. It makes me want to send out cards and keep in touch with friends and people that mean something to my parents. It would suck if something happened to my Dad, and I never saw any of them again.

This is the pumpkin I carved.

Here are my brother's and my Dad's together with mine. Dan's is the big one.

This is everyone's!

Girlfriends

2008-10-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been a bit lonely the last few days. It seems like this tendency is all or nothing. Either I cant handle any interaction, or else, I can't stand to be alone. I am sure there is a balance, it is just a matter of finding it.

So then this morning I was watching a video and I thought about how much I miss having a lot of girlfriends. In Ashland, there were 4 or 5 of us that spent a lot of time together. In the dorms, and then once we had apartments, we used to drive all over having adventures, or else stay up late watching TV or working on things. We kept up our friendships pretty well over the years, meeting together usually at least twice a year not counting other events that all or some of us attended. We all more or less read eachother's blogs. But it seems to me that the difference is the time spent. Sometimes seeing one another after a few months, it seems like no time has passed.

But then again, just like I feel with my father to a certain degree, there comes a feeling of forgetting how to act. I end up not completely relaxing. I listen more than I talk, because I am not sure what to say. When I do interact, I am self-conscious and I almost feel sometimes like I am playing a role. Obviously this isn't every minute, and it does not make spending time with these girls in any way un-enjoyable. I just miss the feeling that this is where I belong, and that I understand naturally the dynamic. I guess when people get married and continue their lives in a direction that is more personal to them individually, it is natural to pull time from other relationships. And there has been a long period of all of us living in different places.

Even so, I miss seeing them every day. Having a group is a much different kind of experience than anything that is just 1 on 1. (Of course 1 on 1 is awesome too though). I guess it really is time spent that makes the difference either way.

Stupid People

2008-10-17T19:50:00.000-07:00

This is a pet peeve of mine. People who blame society's ills on the supposed fact that most people are barely intelligent enough to get through the day, much less do anything that effects anyone else. "The housing crisis was caused because idiots couldn't manage their money". Or "such and such profession/group" are a bunch of drooling morons". There are a million variations but it all comes down to people assuming that that given one or more reason to make a decision, these people will choose one that is obviously wrong just because they don't know any better.

I have two responses. One is that it is usually more complicated than that. People have a million motives for doing things, from hangups that date back to childhood, to a variety of biological urges, to overcomplicating the ostensibly simple ideas, to conflicting priorities, and all the way on down. Just because you can't imagine what the person was thinking, doesn't mean it wasn't reasonable. Or doesn't mean it wasn't reasonable to that person. Someone might make a seemingly bad business decision because it preserved something that that person valued more than the money to be lost, like principle. Maybe in order to gain something important, they had to take a loss. When you look at someone and say, "that was terribly stupid", you often can't see the intangibles involved, including relationships and self image. Sometimes these intangibles are so important to people that they are willing to take serious risks, with virtually no payoff visible to anyone else. Does this make the person stupid? A lot of people might think that standing up for your religion or your personal honor in the face of persecution is stupid. Other people would disagree.

My second point is, that everyone does not have the same strengths. Some people are not good with numbers. Other people have trouble spelling. Some are tone deaf. Some find it especially difficult to learn languages. Because a person has a weakness does not make them stupid. One example of this is people who are considered stupid for trusting the wrong person. Trusting others is a benefit to humanity. If you trust someone else, it means you do not have to be the authority on everything. It means that you don't have to live your life like a game of chess, planning every counter-move. It is a justified risk in my opinion. However the choice of who to trust is rarely obvious. People who have your interest in mind may not have the judgment or facts, and people who are legitimate experts, may not have your interest at heart. Not only that, but experience figures heavily when making these choices. So do all the factors from the previous paragraph And some people are just more gullible than they should be. It doesn't make them stupid.

Lastly, there is the plain fact that sometimes, people simply don't make good choices because they are just not thinking clearly. There are any number of physical reasons that people don't think well: everything from a cold to a brain tumor to simple distraction. And then there is the "nuke" phenomena. The nuclear technicians in the navy had to have the best grades and the brightest minds. But they were notorious for, when facing a simple problem, the tendency to over-think it. And in making things too complicated, totally failing to solve the problem. Can we dismiss all these people as idiots? And finally, there are the people who really just don't have the cognitive function to make good choices. Should we lock them up or force them to follow the directives of the better qualified? If so, that raises a whole lot of questions about how we want our society to work.

Stupid, when used generally, is not just a usually unfair judgment, but a perjorative that basically invalidates that person. It says: nothing this person says or does should be taken seriously. It is not only unfair and mean, but a giant waste and dismissal of everything that individuals or society and of course the person in question have put into that life.

Anyway. This is a rant, and not the first time I've ranted it. But hopefully people will stop using this strategy of blame and dismissal and consider why they feel the need to evaluate the choices of others in the first place. Possibly more often than we realize it is to deflect our own responsibility, or to avoid taking responsibility for making needed changes.

The End

In the neighborhood

2008-10-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

I was reading recently about how people don't know their neighbors. Growing up, we knew all the neighbors. We had block parties and went trick or treating. We watered the neighbors gardens when they were out of town and sold them girl scout cookies. One of them taught me to drive and another came to 'grandparents or special person' day at my middle school. When one of our favorites moved, my parents actually followed them to their new neighborhood. And where they live now, they also know all the neighbors.

In my new neighborhood, I know one of my neighbors. I gave him a zucchini I grew, he gave me eggs his chickens lay. He lent me a sprinkler. However, I rarely talk to him because I am shy. I recognize one of the other 2 neighbors and my brother has talked to them, but I have not.. except for saying hello if we got off the same bus. I would love to get to know them a bit more. I am slightly sorry that they all seem to be of the previous generation. It would be cool if we had people our age to hang out with that lived nearby. I am wondering if I can think of any good method or excuse to get to be friendly with the people who live right next door or to meet neighbors who maybe live a little farther down the street but maybe have more in common. It seems strange that there would need to be an excuse, but on the other hand, I suppose it isn't really that normal for people to talk to their neighbors.

I suppose I can reflect and make this an ongoing goal. It is another good reason to keep my house tidy at least. If people are maybe coming over, I will perhaps be more motivated to keep it looking nice.

Talking to myself

2008-10-09T12:57:00.000-07:00

Here is a secret: this is not my only blog. I also keep a livejournal. I like this one better though. I have been blogging for a long time. I think something like 8 years? I started with a blogger blog when I was in college. Then, I switched to livejournal because it was easier to keep up with my friends and I could filter who read my posts. But lately, even though I can count on a number of my close friends reading anything I post there, I prefer blogging here almost for that very reason.

I guess there is no question that I am kindof neurotic. I am often uncomfortable seeing my friends unexpectedly when I am out and about and although I love them, I am almost constantly anxious that they will be annoyed with me, or disapprove of something I say or do. I dated a man who would easily take offense and have his feelings hurt at things that I would have never expected. If I didn't mention him in my blog, he would get upset, and if I did, he would be upset about the way I talked about him, or the things I mentioned. He got upset if he thought I was even thinking things that bothered him. It kind of turned me off writing what I had on my mind. I started only blogging informational updates. I don't know if I ever really got back in the habit of writing for fun about what I was thinking about.

On the one hand, the point of blogging for me is that if I was just writing a journal, it would be boring. I hated writing papers in college because they would never be read by anyone other than the professor. I like the idea that my ideas are out in the world, and that by posting, I am building some kind of relationship with whoever might read this. On the other hand, I really don't think I have any readers at the moment. I basically can write what I want honestly and have no worries that it will affect my regular life. I am not cluttering up anyone's friends list with stuff they are not interested in. Anyone who looks at this, whether they follow me from one of the blogs I read, or whether they come here randomly or whether they are a friend, they came to see what I would post.

So yeah. This was originally a place where I could talk about my love for the domestic parts of my life and to build enthusiasm in myself for everyday things I do. Now it is that, but also a relaxing place to vent. And seriously, I am not expecting anything, but if anyone reads this, I would like to hear. :-)

Furthermore

2008-10-06T17:58:00.000-07:00

I spent 20 minutes on the phone, and then another 20 or so, and then had a boyfriend attention emergency ;-). Good times, but I feel slightly in demand!

What I do

2008-10-06T16:00:00.001-07:00

Well, what do I do? I am at home all day. Now, I am definitely not any less lazy than anyone else. I do occasionally watch TV or play games or more commonly surf the internet for hours at a time that I probably should be doing something else in. But when I put my mind to it I have more than enough to do.

Housework is just the beginning. I would like to do the dishes once a day, sweep/vacuum, every day or every other, clean the bathroom and the livingroom. I also would like to do laundry every week (it's just mine, so there isn't really enough for more than that. But that is changing the sheets and whatnot... Anyway.

Then, ideally I would like to garden on a daily basis. I have got way behind on gardening, to the point that I have missed out on some things. But there is lots I could be doing, even now that it is cold and I think everything that is going to grow has started doing it pretty vigorously. If I were to go out right now, I would put up poles for my beans. I know that it is probably too late to expect to get any actual beans, but I may as well do what I can. I could also stand to weed pretty seriously. Besides that, the front yard is chaos because I haven't really known what needed to be done, but I am sure the internet would tell me, and if not, I could get a book. And if that was to confusing or difficult, I know a few people that are good at that kind of thing that I bet I could coax over in exchange for dinner or tea or whatnot.

Then there are projects. I can be kind of ambitious with projects and then let them go by the wayside when I get bored or tired or whatnot but here are a sample of things I have planned to do. I want to make paper out of the scrap paper and junk mail I get on a regular basis, so do my own recycling basically. It would be awesome if I could use cotton fabric scraps too, and I would ideally like to bind this paper into notebooks. My mom knew about bookbinding, and I think it is pretty doable. I also have a few sewing projects either ready to go or in progress. I need an new coat for winter or at the least, I need to sew up the giant holes in the armpits of my old one. I want to start wearing more dresses and in order to get what I want that fits, I got a pattern (I have tons of fabric stocked up). I would love to send out holiday cards this winter, and I have a few ideas for cards to make. I have a writing project which I would optimally like to publish as a zine. I have all the ingredients to start doing music on my computer. I also have all the ingredients to start doing music in real life. I would like to be able to play for fun and with other people like my mother. I have a few other craft projects underway that I pick up when I feel like it including knitting, embroidery, candlemaking, and quilting.

Then there is the stuff that isn't chores but that need doing. Stuff like going through all the stuff in storage and selling it or throwing it away, or deciding what to do with it. Having more space is not that useful if it is full of boxes. I also think we really need another roommate if living here is going to be a good idea long term, however, the upstairs is full of ancient artifacts of the Howes of old. Then also, it would be nice to decorate a bit. The living room needs curtains and a rug. I have a table that I cut the legs off to make it fit where I used to live, but I need to put the legs back on, and I need an entertainment center also.

I have dozens of books I want to read as well. And a big chunk of the things in storage are videos I would like to watch again. And there are games on Dan's x-box that would last me forever that I am sure I'd really enjoy. I want to transfer a lot of my parent's vinyl records to mp3. And it seems like I can barely keep up with my social life. It would be really good if I had a chance to see people on a regular basis. It would also be awesome to be able to entertain, and to plan stuff like camping, hiking and other events. Then again, I want to make a plan to get in shape and I always feel better if I am walking or exercising regularly. I got a coupon for the gym. And a certain amount of time each week must be spent on preparing and eating food.

So yeah. I am not running out of things to do any time soon. If I could get half of what I want into my day, I would be way ahead.

I Won't Let the Man Get Me Down

2008-10-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

Wow, news coverage of the economic crisis is totally ubiquitous. It is a good thing I don't lead a more stressful life or I am not sure how I would manage to keep up my serenity. Anyway, I decided that I should treat this like a stressful situation and head directly into it. I pulled myself together, made some plans for what to eat (including delicious soup made of zucchinis that I made myself) and all my groceries for the week only cost 16.90. I was pretty proud of myself. Also, to make me feel both motivated and accomplished but also distracted and vicariously stressed, Q's friend who was in charge of the moving plan had some kind of an issue and basically told him he is no longer a part of the trip. Luckily, Q has a kind of bare bones plan B. I told him over and over that if he wasn't directly in charge of the plan, the flaky people he knows would make things unnecessarily stressful if not unsuccessful. He was pretty stressed yesterday, but has rallied very well. I hope that this is a bolster to his confidence. I think it would be great if he could approach things from a position of having not a single crack in his armor of planning and confidence. I would like to help with that if I can.

Anyway. Besides all that. I bought a new computer. New to me anyway. It makes me very very happy with all its working and not stopping unexpectedly, and I got it off craigslist for only $150. So, with this tool I am practicing typing, and I have quit smoking too. It sucks, I wish I didn't have to, but y'know, in the job search it is good to be able to pass tests. *eye roll* And I cleared out the storage unit that was costing me $100/month. Actually Dan helped me out with that and it was kindof an ordeal what with losing the key to the padlock and having to drive all over to find a place to sell us bolt cutters.

So. I have a plan for food, am proactive-ish with the employment and have an extra week of boyfriend! Not bad.

Losing it?

2008-09-28T22:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes lately I feel like I am losing it. In other times, people might say I was having an attack of nerves. It is quite unpleasant. If there is one thing that makes me mad, it is having a reasonable plan and not being able to follow it because of just not having things together. This is why I can't play video games. I know what I need to do, and not being able to, effortlessly, the first time, makes me want to break things. So not being able to get through the day without freaking out, or not managing to feed myself, or being stuck inside because there is something outside that stresses me out, or not being able to have a coherent conversation when I want to, because things don't make the kind of sense I know from experience that they should. Well it causes me to be enraged.

Changes and stress

2008-09-26T13:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, this is a slightly complainey post, but that seems to be the word of the day in blogland. So. I am a bit stressed out. Partly the election. I am not sure if I need to work harder to ignore the election, or whether I need to work harder to not be quite so stressed out by the election. And the weather is getting much fall-ier which is adding to my sense of impending doom. Given my original resolution to ignore the election completely, and the heightened tone of desperation now that we are coming down to the end makes me think I should just try to ignore it. Nothing going on in the news is very positive lately, and there is very little I can effectively do about any of it. So I am going to try a no news zone for a while. (So much for media studies).

Then there is the fact that my dear boyfriend quit his job(kindof) and is moving to a far away state for a few months. I think this is extremely ill advised. But it isn't my decision. I can give him the benefit of the doubt and see how things go. But it does suck. I kind of like having him nearby. I just need to keep zen about it I guess.

And then there is my lack of employment. I feel like I am half way in quicksand. I guess I know basically what I need to do, but the whole idea seems so overwhelming. Nevertheless, here I am at the point of my glasses breaking, and I can't see, and I feel like I can't get a new set because I have no income. I need someone to break it down into small steps for me and then hold my hand while I do them. I have a feeling that person is going to have to be me... But seriously I feel totally out of control when it comes to my avoiding doing this. I sit down, and literally develop I headache and have to quit.

So that is my mind today.

Sicky

2008-09-18T11:18:00.000-07:00

Well, I have had this cold since saturday. On Saturday, I felt kindof, not good. On Sunday, I thought my head was melting. On Monday I was able to leave the house but it was tough and I had to nap. Yesterday was more or less normal but with phlegm. So why am I still congested and coughing now. There was an obvious "lifespan of a cold" bell curve in action. It should obviously be petering out to the point of no symptoms really soon. Does the hand of fate want me to finish the bottle of cough syrup or what!

In other news, I talked to my dad and he told me how to make a long handed picker out of a soda bottle and a broom handle. I should do that. Although being sick for going on a week has made a large backup of cleaning to be done. We will see what gets done today. Oh yeah, my glasses broke too so I need to pick them up from the repair place. :P

I am slightly grumpy. But on the other hand, there is a store where I can get VHS for 50 cents. This is better than renting. Especially as everything they have is completely obscure. Last night I watched this movie "Laura" that I got from the goodwill and it was actually pretty awesome and 50's murder mysteryeque. We will see what looks good today.

religious lady blogs

2008-09-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

Oh how I love them.

Why do I like them so much? Because they are peaceful and self assured, and humble and thoughtful and there is such a community. Reading them however, often makes me feel like I am missing out. Now that I think about it though, I don't think I am. Honestly, they have the same troubles in life that I do, or that anyone does. They just choose to deal with it through a religious frame. They may have a lot of practice at their faith, but I basically have my own faith, even if it isn't religion. I have to choose my world view the same way they choose theirs. And if I have trouble, maybe it is because I haven't got as much practice. And it isn't as though they don't have trouble too. Everyone has trouble sometimes. Its like how the Christian ladies had some questions when Anna at Domestic Felicity came out as Jewish, but really they have just as much in common as before. I think that even though I have a fairly different understanding of the world, my actual life and interest and all that is still similar enough that even though I am not in the club, I still have my value.

I am curious, if anyone reads this who found me through my comments on one of these blogs, do you make any assumptions about who is reading and why? Is there an audience you tailor your blogging to more than any other?

9/11

2008-09-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

When 9/11 happened, I was at my boyfriend's house in California. He came up to the attic room where I was sleeping and woke me up saying, "Some terrorists just attacked New York, would you like some pancakes?

I had pancakes, and we watched the coverage for a while and then went hiking up in the redwoods. I didn't understand how big a deal it was until school started weeks later.

In reading other people's accounts, it surprised me how unique that experience was for them. To think that people would attack us, and to see people die, and then to be afraid. I figured that the event was just the latest in a series of violent events that have happened all over the world since time immemorial. I remember the 1st Iraq war as the first time I came to terms with the idea of violence against Americans and for the sake of politics. I honestly assumed that the attack was perpetrated by other Americans who were angry at the government for who knows what.

I also wasn't afraid for myself. The attack was very far away from where I lived. I didn't know anyone in NYC. It may as well have been in some foreign country to me. I am still a bit surprised that even after 9/11 Americans seem so unphased by the violence in other countries. And even during the height of the war in Iraq, noone seemed to be following the situation closely. It was just "an issue that we were dealing with". Everyone was sooo affected by 9/11. It almost makes me mad that the people who die every day don't elicit that response. The more I think about it the more mad I get.

I definitely don't mean to minimize the suffering caused by the attack. I guess I just don't understand... Maybe it was partially the media? Maybe it was the way people thought of America before the attack? Oh well. It is conclusive that it was a terrible thing to have happened.

didn't quite work out that time

2008-09-08T03:32:00.000-07:00

Well, after resolving to get up and eat at a reasonable hour, I didn't get up before noon this week at all. I also missed dinner I think 4 days out of 7? basically, my plan didn't work at all.

I have some half decent excuses... I had a migraine on one night and I was at the hospital with a sick friends the next. I went to a birthday party, and Q moved out today. But excuses aren't going to keep me back forever. I went to bed early today. Actually I barely got up at all, so I think it would reasonable to nap for a few more hours and get up at 5 or 6. I actually woke up after about 5 hours sleep at 12:30. So it wouldn't be disasterous to just stay up but I think my rhythms would make that tough. I think Q took my lighters :-/ I cannot light a candle. Eh. I think I will make some tea to drink later and read a book for a little and then yeah, nap. It will be just my luck if despite sleeping all day, I fall asleep and don't wake up until the afternoon again.

Routines

2008-09-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

I know that it takes a routine for me to get anything done. I really do mean anything. There was one time in my life that I had a real live genuine routine for about a month and I got things done. I got a lot done! I fell of the wagon that time because I got sick. However, havung done it that once, I know basically that it can be accomplished and how this might happen.

It starts with a morning routine. If I can come up with a schedule in the morning, everything goes from there. An example would be: get up, make my bed, drink some tea and get my bearings, put some clothes on and do my hair, make breakfast and eat it it, brush my teeth, sit down to plan the rest of my day.

I have to first get that morning part down. It is the key that will hold everything else in place and if I start to skip it because I get up late, or because I want to work on some project or if someone calls me on the phone and distracts me, well that is it. No more routine, and I spend the rest of the day wandering aimlessly more or less.

I am going to try and re-establish my morning pattern. I am going to try to trim it down so it doesn't take 3 hours to get to the part where I am dressed and ready to go. And I am going to set times for my meals so I don't end up starting to cook dinner at 11:00 pm like last week.

So I hereby announce that breakfast will be no later than 10:00 am! And I will be wearing my wristwatch!

Taiki

2008-08-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

To anyone who is reading this who doesn't know: I love Sailor Moon.

Yes, It is a kids show, yes it came out 14 years ago and mostly no one talks about it anymore. This licenses have all expired, they have high squeaky voices and kind of unfeasible figures. Its true that the episodes are repetitive and formulaic. I love it anyway. I love how it demonstrates an optimistic world veiw. I like how it shows the girls as people with their own priorities, conflicts, and personalities. I like how the evil-fighting is done is a way that is stylized but approached in a serious way. I like that it is funny and sad. I like that the characters are ideals or archetypes, but they are not perfect. I like that they are concerned with both daily details and also dramatic apocalyptic story arcs.

This week I have been watching an episode about a character called Taiki.

I have found it to be really compelling. He is losing faith in his mission. His mission is to use his job as a pop star to find a lost princess. Every day he literally call out to her and asks people to help find her. But people dismiss his message as stupid pop music. (There could be an argument, that this isn't the best way to go about the mission but that is besides the point. We all do what we know, and Taiki is a pop star.) He has stopped seeing how the everyday grind is making a difference. Everywhere he looks, he sees people who are missing the point. He is trying to send a message and it is completely disregarded by people who are more interested in the medium. His loss of faith translates into a loss of motivation. He can't remember lyrics, he sings off key, he is late getting places. His friends get mad at him. No wonder: he is letting them down. However, just as he is about to give up and take a break, he meets someone who has heard his message.

That is all it takes for him to realize that what he is doing really is worth the effort.

Sometimes, everyone loses their motivation. Sometimes it seems like we are just going through motions and there is no point behind it. I remember many times wishing I was an old lady, or that I had never been born, just so I didn't have to go through the hassle. I have gotten rid of everything and left town, because I felt there was no point in continuing what I had started. Little things can be such giant obstacles when you see no reason to climb over them. And there is no answer handy as to why anything is worth while. Everyone has to choose an answer. For some people, this answer is found in religion. Other people have a vocation. Still others want to help people or save the world. I have certain ideas of my own as to what it is all about.

I guess the main point I want to make is, that it is so hard to keep going every day. getting up and getting dressed can seem almost impossible. Going to work... Keeping focused... Taking a shower or doing the dishes... The basic activities that our days are full of are hard work without encouragement. But all it takes is something small to remind you why you do it. Look outside and see the sunshine. Read something inspirational. Create something. Or take a moment to enjoy the company of those you love. Imagine what you could one day look back on. Picture yourself at a pinacle having done something remarkable and achieved difficult goals. You are on your way somewhere.

Progress is marked in our lives whether we notice it or not. Encouragement can be everywhere. So remember to look for it. Because life is hard work, and without encouragement, it can be too hard.

:)

Taiki is too serious sometimes. If he would relax a bit, I think things wouldn't be so hard on him. Not that he doesn't hold everyone else to the same standards. On the other hand, his pessimism leads to being pleasantly surprised every once in a while. It is fun to watch. He is my favorite. <3

Upheavals and Caltrops

2008-08-25T06:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I just found out some news that will impact my life, but I am not sure how to talk about it or whether discussing it is even a good idea. Since I am pretty sure no one reads this, I will be a little less obtuse. My boyfriend is moving.

Why would this be something I don't feel I can talk about? It is because I know it is going to have an effect on me, but that effect is based on how our relationship is going, and that is personal territory. That is the kind of talk where in my experience, I have to choose my words very carefully, because misunderstandings can cause hurt feelings and trouble that is very hard to predict. I try not to talk about any issues or concerns I have with others people because really they are only between the two of us. I have seen other ladies talk about how important it is to not criticize your partner and I agree. And unfortunately, even when I conscienciously speak only about myself, in the topic of relationships it is easy for others to extrapolate problems and from them criticisms that may not even exist.

So yeah, I feel like it is dangerous waters going into interpersonal issues in public, or even in private with people not involved. (Also, that is how gossip starts.)

I have been not good about this in the past and it has often come back to haunt me. It can seem so harmless to blow off some steam and admit some insecurity or worry that has been troubling me, but when I catch myself saying too much, I am usually left with an uneasy feeling. I try to only say to anyone what I would say to the face of the person involved. Unpleasant words that carelessly get released become weapons laying around that can hurt people if they are accidentally uncovered, like caltrops. If you stepped on an emotional caltrop, I imagine it would prejudice you against trust and towards defensiveness and anger. That doesn't help with resolution of the issues, and can cause problems where there weren't problems before. Keeping these subjects private I think is quite important.

On the other hand, it is quite isolating to have worries and not to be able to discuss them. Often, my insecurities are either petty or based more on hormones and anxiety than on any real problem, or else they are based in the the far future, which is foolish to try and predict. There is no need to bother my boyfriend with irrational complaints, especially ones that aren't constructive. Sometimes I don't even really know what I am thinking myself. I tend to see larger patterns that shift around when I try to pin them down. Are these patterns real, or the emotional equivalent of conspiracy theories? Occasionally I will sit down with a paper and pen and try to work out what is going on in my brain. This can help a lot, but I am realizing now that I don't do it often. Maybe that is something I should work on. Anybody else have this trouble, or any solutions?

Taking pictures

2008-08-24T14:03:00.000-07:00

I have a love/hate relationship with my camera phone. I love it because it is always there when I want to take a picture, and I hate it because it is so limited. Colors don't show up quite right. If it is too light or dark out, pictures don't come out right, and there is no way to zoom other than getting closer. Also the pictures are very low resolution.

I do like taking pictures though, and I like switching the wallpaper on my phone to suit my moods. Here are some pictures I took out of boredom or inspiration.
My camera phone photos

Gardening

2008-07-22T17:15:00.000-07:00

I have been pretty active in the garden lately. My zucchini is just beginning to produce, the lettuce is getting old and tough, but I still have quite a bit, the spinach is completely done and gone to seed. I pulled it out. The canteloupe is getting bigger every day. I just planted carrots and daikon where the spinach used to be, and I am sprouting peas and beans to plant in the other bed. I am trying to sprout these and some other plants indoors so that the hot hot July sun will not roast and kill the tiny sprouts, but I am a bit impatient about it. I am nervous that the seeds I planted in paper cups will not sprout inside or that i am not watering them enough or that they will rot because I water them too much. I probably have to wait a little bit longer.

It is very exciting though. I am totally learning as I go, so of course some things will work better. Next year, with any luck, things will go more smoothly and I will be more on top of what I want to do.

Day in Life part 2

2008-07-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

Well.. I beleive the next thing that happened after blogging earlier was that I helped Q dye his hair blue. A bunch of people called me on the phone at this point. 4 in a row in fact. It was good to hear from them, but talking on the phone stresses me out a bit. At this point, the dye had set in as much as it was going to, so he washed it out. The shower was covered with dye water and he had it all over him. I hopped in and helped him scrub the blue off of his body so he could work without looking like he was suffocating. Then I made him some food to take to work and walked him to the bus stop. Upon getting home again I watered the garden, and made salad with sauted pears and chicken. My brother brought some burritos home, and we ate salad and Taco Bell while watching another Carnivale episode.

I chatted with brother for a while after that over some household politics and interpersonal paranoia. And after that settled down with a book and am just about to read it and go to sleep.

A day in the life- July

2008-07-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I see that some of the blogs I follow are doing a project that basically follows the bloggers around all day to get an idea of what our lives are like. You can find out more at Jenny Wren's Blog. Since I am slightly uninspired, I thought I'd follow suit. Maybe someone will find it interesting.

I woke up after dreaming of my mother and one of the frineds that I went camping with last weekend, and also about trying to get a job and finally being accepted in the games section of Safeway.. a place that I don't think actually exists. I woke up with my brother and Q chatting outside my window. The first thing I did wasw look for my glasses and there they were at the foot of the bed with one of the arms all bent back. I tried to fix it, but the arm just came off. My cry of anguish brought Q and he distracted me with cuddling for a while.

Then, I went outside, Picked some lettuce for dinner before the sun came over the op of the fence to make it sad and wilty and then listened to Leonard Cohen and Tool on my ipod and worked on my embroidery for an hour or so while Q went on some errands. He got home with food and me him and brother watched a few episodes of Carnivale while we ate. Then I did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. Next, I washed the lettuce and tore it up for a salad that I found in the Silver Palate Cookbook. It's got pears in it.

Next, my dad called and told me about my Aunt who is coming to town and all about her plans. I will probably be going up there to see her and my cousin and also to go to another cousin's wedding. Hopefully it will be an opportunity to connect a bit with both of them because I barely know them it feels like. It would be great to be a bit more involved in their lives. Maybe I will consider making something crafty for presents. Maybe embroidery of some sort?

Dan is off at school. Some guys came by offering cheap oil changes, but I told them to come back later when some car owners were around. Q was suspicious that they were robbers who want to check out the house for places to break in and for valuables. I doubt it.. And I hope not. I am looking online to see what I can do witht he empty parts of my garden now that the spinach is all gone to seed and I have so much free space. Also checking out blogs. I will finish the story later.

The Angst

2008-07-10T14:47:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been full of the PMS. It seems like half the blogs I read are making reference to mood swings, anxiety attacks, running wild emotions, or flustered, antagonistic behavior. I get all this stuff and I have gotten it a lot the last few days. My strategy involves becoming intoxicated by myself and getting all emo over my ipod in the dark.

But generally, keeping my blood sugar up and staying away from other humans to whatever extent necessary is good news. In general, I have a certain ideal level of interaction. If it goes over or under this level I become uncomfortable. I think most people are like this. If you don't get enough time to yourself, you get irritable and easily tired out. If you have too much, you can get lonely and bored. When living with other people it can be hard to finesse this requirement for mental peace. Especially when living with an SO, it can be hard to claim that personal time. On the otherhand, it is easy to get clingy when emotions run wild. This is no good either because the balance must be kept not just for you but for everyone in the house for optimal performance.

When people's need to be around other people don't match up, this is where it is important to get out of the house. But again, when hormones are on the brink, it can be hard to actually get it together to plan and execute social activities or to see others going out and having fun without us, even though what we want is not sociability but rather a hand to hold or another pulse in the room. This can lead to further difficult emotion. I guess in these situations, the best way to go forward is to keep in mind that all this angst is not the product of the situation, and that noone is making you feel like this, but rather it is something that has happened to you, like poison ivy. It is no fun, but it is important not to scratch the emotional itch and to wait for the unpleasant sensation to pass.

Getting Behind

2008-07-05T22:05:00.000-07:00

I am often surprised at how fast the house gets messy again after cleaning. Especially the transition between living alone in 2 rooms to this big house with 4 of us at the moment. I am not the only one who cleans, but I think I clean the most regularly. At least in the rooms I am trying to keep up with.

I used to have half a sink full of dishes for a week or so before I had to do them, but I find myself washing dishes here about every other day. Similarly, I used to be cleaning up only my stuff, and I could decide where I wanted to put it. Now there are all kinds of things showing up in common areas and I have to be super smart about where I put things and remember exactly what I have tidied away for when people say "did anyone see ..."

I was on a roll there for about two weeks taking a little time to maintain each room every day, but then... I guess I just got distracted and it has been more difficult. I think a checklist would maybe be a good plan. I know I have found these before.

Aha!

15 minute cleanups

I will try to get back on whether these are working for me.

Green Soup

2008-06-30T20:26:00.000-07:00

If I don't plan meals ahead, make a list, and cook on a schedule, the second my blood sugar starts to get a little low, I get sad and confused. I don't know WHAT to eat! I become disoriented by the prospect of figuring out what I've got and what I can make out of it. I either get fast food or wait until someone else makes dinner. Or I eat candy. Actually, it is mostly the food that is fast.

On the other hand. I have no problem cooking when I have made a plan of what to cook. The upside is, healthy, nutricious fresh food is within my capabilities. The downside is, I have to be on top of things enough to make a plan or else everything falls apart.

So, this week, what with the weather being so hot and everything, I decided that chilled soup was my destiny. I am pretty excited. I cooked it up this evening, so it is all ready to go when I want it. Also pickle and cheese sandwiches in case of more serious hunger. And tons of fruits for breakfast/snacks. And lime kiwi tarts for dessert! And I got some chicken with which to beef up salads, now that I have a garden full of lettuce. I am pretty pleased with myself in fact.

The soup I made is pretty and green and smells so nice and cool already. It is from my favorite soup cookbook, the New Covent Garden Soup Company's Book of Soup. I changed it around a slightly. Here is what I made.

Green Pea, Lettuce and mint Soup

Half a stick of butter
2 small onions, chopped
2 garlic cloves
12 oz potatoes chopped
2 pints chicken stock (I used ramen broth cause I have a ton of leftover packets)
about 7 oz lettuce leaves
4 1/2 oz frozen peas
leaves from a bunch of mint
1/2 cup cream
salt pepper cardomom

Cook onion and garlic softly in butter till tender. Add potatoes and stock and simmer 20 minutes. Add peas, lettuce, and mint. Simmer 5 more minutes. Cool a bit, put it through the blender and add cream. Then chill and season to taste.

I have loved green or otherwise minty soups ever since college. So yummy, so filling, they feel all alive just like fresh juice.

Mending

2008-06-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

I made a resolution a few years ago not to buy new clothes. At the worst, they are the propagation of slavery and exploitation in foreign countries, at the best, they cost 3 times as much as they need to. And honestly, I can buy second hand and have something that everyone else won't be wearing.

Unfortunately, when you find something at a thrift store, it isn't always ready to wear. If I said, when faced with something nice: I want it in purple, or I could use a size smaller, or the ugly embellishment on this item rules it out, I would rarely buy any clothes at all. And then there is the other option: making my own clothes. Either way, it seems that I usually have clothes in my closet that I am not quite ready to actually use.

The last few days, the sun shines into my room at an hour that I usually like to sleep through. It wakes me up! It makes my bed too hot! I curse the yellow face! And then I get up and have iced tea and lemon cake for breakfast in the shade of my back porch. And I take my ipod, because music is nice. And then I sit, having finished my food, but not my playlist. An idea occurred to me the other day, that this would be a good opportunity to get some handwork done. I grabbed some jeans that I had accidentally hemmed backwards, like 2 years ago.

Oh my goodness! It is so nice to get this kind of thing done, and it is like a present because now I have new clothes to wear also. So, in the last week or so, I finished those pants, fixed where my pajama bottoms split, sewed some buttons on a sweater, and now I am doctoring a particularly wonky skirt that I made out of some Hawaiian shirts last Halloween. With any luck by next week I can finally wear it in public!

This is possibly my new favorite time of day.

Cake

2008-06-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I ended up making cake for the potluck, since it had to be kept overnight and we were camping.

It turned out fine, and I made another one today!

Here is the recipe

6 Tbs butter.
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 Tbs lemon zest (or one lemon's worth)
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped almonds (optional)
1/3 cup chopped lemon balm leaves (optional)
1/3 cup milk

glaze
3 Tbs lemon juice (or one lemon's worth)
1/3 cup sugar

preheat oven to 350 degrees
cream sugar and butter. Add eggs and lemon zest/ lemon balm. Sift flour, salt and baking powder. Add flour mix and milk alternately. Add nuts if you are using them. Pour/spoon into a loaf pan, 8" by 4" by 3".

Bake for 40 minutes or until a knife stabbed in the middle comes out clean.

Mix the lemon juice and sugar for the glaze while the cake is in the oven. When it comes out, pour this mix over, making sure to coat the whole surface. Let it sit in the pan for 10 minutes. Then turn it out, cool, and enjoy.

Hooray cake! This was my grandmother's cake recipe. Except I added the lemon balm.

A challenge

2008-06-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

Well,

I just got a call and found out that what I am doing this weekend involves a potluck. The catch is, I need to have it ready in a few hours. I don't really have much in the way of ingredients. What shall I do?

My first impulse is soup. However, the lady who I am going to the event with is bringing soup. My mind wanders to salad because I have a lot of lemon balm and lettuce in the garden, and I have a few apples and carrots.

Another part of me says cake! I also have a lemon, and I believe that I have my mothers recipe for lemon loaf. On the other hand, That lemon, and some rosewater, black pepper and olive oil, might make the most delicious salad ever. Hmmmm.

I will follow up with whatever I decide which, at the moment, might be both!

Melissa House

2008-06-19T14:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been reading other ladies domesticity blogs and websites for a while. Now I finally have somewhere of my own to post the results of my inspiration. I can only hope that I will muster enough stick-to-it-ness to make this a spot others will want to visit.

I am calling this blog Melissa House because that is what I call my house. This is as of 2 minutes ago. I like to have a name for my home. I have lived at places that I called, Coyote House, Green Pheasant apartment, Pom apartment, and most recently Howe house (and more). But, I had no name for the house I live in now. Partly this is because my brother, who I live with, does not approve of such frivolities as having a name for your house. I thought about just using the number, but that really isn't personal. Part of the good thing about having a name for your house is that it takes on a more personal character. Same for cars, computers, ships, sewing machines and other types of objects people give names to.

I chose Melissa house, because the back yard is completely thick with lemon balm, which is also called Melissa. It is a girly name, but since the boys didn't want to help me choose, I get to pick a girly name if I want to. Ha-ha!